


Flying High

by AislinCeivun



Category: Tactics
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 16:32:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AislinCeivun/pseuds/AislinCeivun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kantarou straines his right arm during an exorcism. While it wouldn't be hard to manage with two sla... er, youkai by his side to help, still, there are things that can't be taken care of this easily. Emotions, for example.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Completed at November, 2010; first published on FFN at 08th December, 2010.  
> *tearsofbreaks was kind enough to provide me with helpful edits - thank you again!

„Youko-chan! Look out!” Kantarou shouted before pushing the youkai*-girl away. He barely got a glimpse of the dreaded face Youko made, because in the next moment, an incredibly powerful _something_ hit his chest with full force, leaving him gasping for air, and Youko crying out. The attack threw Kantarou straight back to the heavy wall of the building (dangerously close to the balcony’s balustrade), causing him another uncomfortably long moment without the highly appreciated presence of oxygen in his lungs. Speaking of which, he wasn’t really convinced that said body organs haven’t received any serious damage.

 _My, my,_ he though while collapsing to the ground, _such a tough little thing!_ _Rougher than its looks, so to speak._

He fought his way back to his knees, gripped the beaded necklace tightly, and took a deep breath. That was when the load shouting of his black-winged ‘angel’ finally hit his ears.

“Kantarou! Kantarou!” Haruka swept through the sky, his slender form lit by the bluish moonlight. His dark eyes searched for Kantarou’s, and upon finding them, they locked. “Kantarou, hold on!” With a beat of his wings, he started flying towards the silver-haired man, pointing his magical staff at the tiny creature which was now grinning widely near Youko – it was obviously delighted to see all the mess it made.

Before Haruka could have released his lightning however, the little oni* laughed, and dark mist left its form, surrounding, and then capturing the winged man.

“Yes, I might hold on,” Kantarou sighed, scrambling to his feet. He was a little dizzy from the previous hit, but otherwise, felt alright - alright for a little bit of monster-exorcising. He lifted the necklace in his hands, and the beads shone for a second.  “But it’ll be faster this way. Rin! Byou! Tou! Sha! Kai! Jin! Retsu! Zai! Zen!” The beads sparkled and glowed, and after Kantarou finished the Nine Word Chant, golden light surrounded and bided the oni.

At the same moment, the black tengu* freed himself from the arms of the evil aura, which then turned into thin air. “Haruka!” Kantarou shouted, looking high up the sky. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Haruka answered with his deep voice. “Can I finish this off?”

A sad smile followed the question. “Please.” It wasn’t a person or a ghost possessed by some bad spirit which required saving. It was an evil – even if tiny – oni, a monster. It had to be gone.

The tengu was not in need of any more words. He lifted the staff high in front of his body, and soon red lightning came out of it, aiming and hitting the now screaming creature. Kantarou saw Youko turning her head away from the dying oni. He did not do the same.

Moments passed, and finally, the scream died out. Heavy silence filled the air, with nothing to be heard, but the gentle sound of Haruka’s moving wings.

... Or, at least, it was like this until Youko’s cry ripped through it. “Kan-chan, look out!!”

The guy blinked, and looked around.

Apparently, not fast enough. “Oh, man!” , he coursed lowly, exactly at the same time Haruka shouted his name, ‘Kantarou!’.

The lightning must have loosened the roof, because now it was now creaking, and big parts of it have started to fall down – right at the folklorist’s head. Without hesitation, Kantarou did the only thing he could come out with: he grabbed the balustrade, strained his muscles, and jumped.

Judging from the sounds coming from his youkai friends, maybe this wasn’t the best decision to make. But, oh well.

It was a strangely intoxicating feeling to dive. Kantarou felt _really_ alive, felt every bit of muscles in his body, every cell screaming for life. Yet his head was completely clear, his mind calm and secured. He even closed his eyes. _Yes, only with the loud whiz of air in my ears. So peaceful! Like this. Just like this._

He heard a pair of wings beat, once, twice, and suddenly, but not unexpectedly, two strong arms got a hold of his body. A small smile blossomed on his face.

_Yeah. Just like this._

“Have you gone out of your right mind, jumping off like this?!” Haruka snapped angrily as soon as he made sure Kantarou was not in danger anymore. “We were on the third floor, for god’s sake! You could have seriously injured yourself!”

Kantarou couldn’t help the laugh. It was so rare to see Haruka this worked-up out of mere worry! It just showed him how he really cared for him (or at least for his well-being). The thought warmed Kantarou’s heart.

“Wrong,” he said playfully, nuzzling close to the man’s chest, inhaling the scent, as he did so many times now. He could feel the surprise in the vague tense of muscles, though Haruka’s face avoided every emotion. “There was no chance to injure myself even in the slightest. I was safe.”

“How come?” Haruka’s dark eyes narrowed while looking down at the silver-haired guy, clearly anticipating a fanciful or childish explanation. In a sense, he wasn’t really in the wrong.

Kantarou lifted his head up and hold the other’s eyes. “Because you’re always there to catch me, aren’t you,” he stated simply with a light shrug of his shoulders. He searched Haruka’s face, and was extremely happy to see that the tengu, this time, could not hide his surprise. “There, you have it. Satisfied?” Kantarou asked grinning.

Haruka hardened his face, his lips tightened into a thin line. All in all, he strongly resembled a sulking kid. Kantarou have found this quite charming – and very tempting for more tease. “Not really.”

“Good.”

Kantarou closed his eyes again, and let his mind go blank for the remaining few seconds till they reached the third-floor balcony. He could hear the fox youkai’s voice far from there.

“Kan-chan, you stupid dimwit!” she cried first running towards them, then into Kantarou’s white kimono, as soon as the tengu placed him on the ground. “How could you jump off like that?! Idiot! You’d have deserved to break your arm and not having Haru-chan to save you AGAIN! Stupid, stupid Kan-chan!!”

“O-oi, Youko-chan,” Kantarou nervously chuckled before trying to get away from the girl who seemingly started to turn her shock and fear into violent anger. “You know I didn’t mean to make you upset, or...”

“I’m NOT upset!” Youko shouted while yanking at the abused shirt of Kantarou.” Or, you know what? I AM! I’m SO terribly upset for having such an airhead like _you_ accepting the dangerous cases again and again, and while I KNOW that you can do your job, in the end, you always make something SO TERRIBLY stupid that Haru-chan has to save your silly ass! Get some sense into your head, will you?! Kan-chan!!

“Y-y-youko-cha...n!” Kantarou breathed between the girl’s abusive-loving yanks. He caught her hands, and stilled her. “I really am sorry. I know it was stupid of me. I know you worry about me. I know it’s not nice of me to always rely on Haruka. I’ll try to change, alright? Now, there, stop it.”

Youko blinked with her slightly teared eyes, and Kantarou reassuringly smiled at her. A few seconds passed like this, and Kantarou opened his eyes only when he felt Youko abruptly moving away.

“Hah, I can’t believe you almost had me there!” She chuckled while wiping her eyes, and then looked at the tengu. “He’ll never change, right, Haru-chan? God, he wouldn’t even _try_ that!” And to Kantarou’s disbelief, she _laughed_.

“Hey!” he snapped, his smile immediately disappearing. “I was totally serious here!”

“No, he wouldn’t try changing,” Haruka nodded to Youko, with a barely noticeable smile on his face. With a light glow, his large, black wings disappeared from his back. “He enjoys ordering and manipulating us far too much.”

“You’re sooo mean! Both of you.” The two youkai’s delight just growed when Kantarou pouted his lower lip, so he turned his back at them, and started walking away on his own. “Right! I’ll never change! And you guys can say thanks to yourselves for this. Youko-chan will do my laundry and cook my meals for the rest of my life, and I’ll make sure to give Haruka pleeenty of chances to catch me from fallin... Aargh!!

“Kan-chan!” Youko suddenly stopped laughing. “The detritus...!”

_She could have warned me sooner._

Way _sooner._

 

***

 

The risen sun found them in a pretty grumpy mood next morning. But as far one can tell, it couldn’t be seen on Kantarou’s face. The idiot guy wore the same silly smile, trying to appear regretful, which Haruka now has become so familiar with.  The black-haired man was happy to see, however, that mentioned smile did not have any effect on Youko.

“Really, I can’t believe you, Kan-chan,” she sighed in a tired voice, while adjusting the folklorist’s bright red hakama. “You manage to solve a case without so much as a cut on your finger – though for that, the credit goes to Haru-chan, not you -, and right after the exorcism, you go, and break your arm! Unbelievable.”

“Hey, I have _not_ broken my arm,” Kantarou said in an instant. “I’ve just strained it.”

“The same for all I care. Your arm is in plaster cast. Now I have to help you with every little thing, not just doing all the housework by myself.” The young fox finished tying the hakama’s straps, and after moving a step away, he suddenly attacked with words. “How will you work like this, Kan-chan? How will we get money to be able to eat? We were almost _good_ there, Kan-chan! I’ve already planned on buying takoyaki for tonight, but we had to spend almost all of our money on your treatment!”

“I’m sorry, Youko-chan. But you know, what? I won’t be like this for long. The doctor said, two weeks, and...”

“But half a month is _fairly_ long time without money!”

“Oh, we won‘t be completely without money. I just gotta give up my secondary job, right? My head and mouth are completely okay. I can ‘write’ articles for Reiko-san.”

Youko seemed to smell the upcoming: she looked alarmed. Haruka stopped a sigh from coming out of his mouth. “How? How will you write with your arm in bandages?”

“Oh, it’s not me who’ll actually write,” Kantarou said with the brightest smile of his. The face he just made seemed pretty innocent and cheerful, but the two youkai in the room knew this smile too well. The fox shivered. “ _You_ are going to write down everything I say, and then take it to Reiko-san. That’s it! Good idea, isn’t it?”

“No!” Youko protested loudly. “It isn’t! Have you got any idea about how much work do I do here every day? I can’t afford, _we_ can’t afford to spend my time with this! Why don’t you ask Haru-chan instead?”

Hearing his name with the rest of the sentence, Haruka twitched, and pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning to. No-o, no way in hell he will be the scribe-boy for this guy!

Apparently, Kantarou had other ideas as well. “Oh no, I have other things in my mind for Haruka. I’d like _you_ to write down the articles I dictate. I’m not asking much.” He smiled, and played out his trump. “Can you do that for me, please? _Youko-chan?”_

The girl shivered, and bit on her lips. Then she cast a sharp glance at her still smiling master. “Fine”, she murmured finally. “ _Fine_. But I won’t be doing your daily doings, Kan-chan, nor will I help you with every little thing. My job is to keep the house clean, and our belly full.”

Kantarou’s smile widened. “I know. You do the most for our family’s welfare, and I appreciate it.” He laughed a little, then turned his ruby eyes towards the man standing at the edge of the room. “Now then, Haruka, see me to my room,” he said with yet another smile.

Haruka said nothing. After all this time together, he knew the folklorist too well - an innocent-looking little devil, he was.

He helped Kantarou to his feet, grabbing his good left arm, then Haruka released him, and started walking towards the room of Kantarou’s, expecting the other to follow him. He suddenly felt a light pressure somewhere near his lower arm, and after looking down, he saw the guy gently grabbing his sleeve.

“Can’t you walk on your own?” he asked, noting that his words sounded harsher than he intended.

“Can,” Kantarou answered nevertheless smiling, “but don’t wanna.”

“...”

The deep ruby eyes were gentle, yet teasing, as if he was aiming to see Haruka’s reactions to particular actions and statements. One would think the tengu grew used to this long time ago, but he really wasn’t. Kantarou could always surprise him with his simple, yet daring statements, and unfortunately, he couldn’t always hide his wonder.

But again, this was his master. Maybe there wasn’t any need to hide things.

“But you _do_ know it wasn’t very nice to use the name _you_ gave her, just to get her do what you want, don’t you? You made it seem like she had a choice.”

“Yeah,” Kantarou said, before leaning his head to the taller man’s shoulder. He closed his eyes, the smile on his face softening. “I know.”

Without anything to be done here, Haruka let Kantarou cling to him while walking.

 

***

 

“You don’t expect me to feed you, do you?” Haruka asked with disbelieve in his low voice.

Kantarou could hardly suppress his wide grin at the reaction. “Sure, why not? Look, it’s not like I can hold the chopsticks properly with my left hand,” he reasoned seriously. “Then how am I supposed to eat the delicious food Youko spent hours with making?”

Big, shiny eyes, soft smile, angel face... Yet he knew that the tengu saw through his innocent mask. Let’s admit, Haruka knew him like nobody else did.

“Then why didn’t you ask her to do something which you can eat without chopsticks?”

Kantarou decided to be terribly frank. He tilted his head and smiled. “ ‘Cause it wouldn’t be that much fun.”

He wanted to laugh out loud. Haruka’s face was completely blank, but irritation made his black eyes twitch. “You’re horrible.”

“Yup,” Kantarou nodded shamelessly. “Now come, and feed me. I’m starving.”

He could see Haruka almost rolling his eyes, but then he just shrugged, and moved closer to his master. He lifted the bowl and the chopsticks, and gave a mouthful to Kantarou.

“Mmm, delicious!” the silver-haired hummed happily. “Youko-chan sure knows how to cook. I’m quite certain she’d be alright among humans now, even without me.”

Haruka said nothing, but he wasn’t so sure of that. Kantarou was the reason Youko was so happy and felt safe with people – even he, who only joined them not so very long ago, could see it. Without Kantarou, the fox would probably go back to hers.

The folklorist constantly chatted about something cheerfully, and did not in the least seem embarrassed by the fact that despite his age, he was being fed. His right arm in the plaster cast was now tied up near his chest with a bandage circling his neck. The plaster was – for the present - just as white as the guy’s kimono, almost matching his clothes.

Haruka’s always found it strange how a guy like this could look so ridiculously good in the white kimono and bright red hakama – a miko’s dress, not less! -, and now he had to admit than even the bandages made Kantarou seem small and appealing. That babyface of his didn’t help much.

When he moved away the chopsticks to gather the remaining food from the bowl, he looked up, and suddenly got a glimpse of Kantarou’s long, red tongue. The folklorist licked his lips, making them shine from saliva for a second, then when he closed his mouth, he caught Haruka’s look. “What is it?”

For once, the usual smile couldn’t be seen on Kantarou’s face. Haruka slowly shook his head, and lowered his gaze to the bowl. “Nothing.”

Kantarou lifted his brow.

What could have happened? Up till now Haruka seemed rather indifferent about this whole feeding action, but now he closed his aura even more, leaving his features completely blank. It was so sudden that Kantarou even stopped chatting. He silently finished the last bite Haruka gave him before turning his searching eyes to the man in front of him.

Sometimes even now he wondered: is it really true, is it really him? The powerful Onikui Tengu*, the oni-eating, whom he had been dreaming about since his childhood, who he always admired? And yes, he was there, and Kantarou had given him a name, “Haruka”, making him bound to his side. Always with him. Never saying good-bye, unless he wants to.

Yet the more Kantarou liked him, the more far away Haruka seemed. Is it always like this?

 He wanted to reach him, but not use the power of the name given by him while doing so. He wanted Haruka to _want_ him reaching his hand.

Sometimes he dreamt of flying high in the sky, surrounded by jet-black feathers.

“Kantarou?”

Said man blinked, and after a moment, a small smile broke out on his face. “Aah, sorry, my bad. I’ve kinda get lost in my thoughts. What did you say?”

“I said, ‘don’t forget about what Youko said.’”

“Umm... You mean... What did she say, again?” Kantarou laughed nervously.

Haruka looked ready to choke him with one of those chopsticks. “She said that she’d have enough time to write your article down after she’d finished mopping the floor. I believe she had done so by now.”

“Ah, I see. Yeah, I can recall it now,” he lied without a blink of an eye. “Right, then I guess I have to get ready. Thanks for the food.” He smiled, and started to gather himself up from the floor, but Haruka stilled him with one little move of his hand.

“Stay,” the tengu said while collecting the bowls and cups. “I tell her to come here.” Then he turned around, and walked out of the room without so much as a glance to his master.

Kantarou dropped the smile. The ruby eyes darkened, and he just stared at the place where Haruka disappeared with a stiff, heavy look on his face.

 

***

 

It was out of mere conscience that Haruka chose the same time to approach the living room as Youko decided to bring the tengu’s name in the conversation. “Nee, Kan-chan, what do you think about Haru-chan?”

Haruka nearly choked in the doorway. He stilled his body, and hid in the shadows.

Kantarou also stiffed for a second, but he instantly relaxed his shoulders, and asked in a light voice: “What makes you ask that? And how do you mean it?” He made a little laugh, while continued playing with the pens on the table.

“I mean, doesn’t he look more... I’m not sure... _moodier_ to you recently?”

“Dear Youko-chan,” Kantarou smiled seeming realived. “I can’t use my right arm. Haruka has to babysit me constantly, helping me dress, eat, take bath, and even when I take a leak, he stands outside the toilet. All of these are because I insisted. Now, you can’t really blame the poor soul for being moody, right?”

Haruka was honestly surprised. So Kantarou did not only order him to do these things clearly on purpose, but he actually had the nerve to loudly admit it! _But it’s my own fault, too, for letting him order me around like this._

“But if you know that it’s because of you he’s like this, why do you still make him do those things for you?” Youko seemed rather worried. “I’m sure he would help you even if you tell him to do otherwise. “

Strangely, Kantarou did not answer immediately. He stilled the pen between his fingers, and stared at the tip of it for a long moment.

When he finally opened his mouth, his voice was soft and quiet. “I know he’d help me, but I don’t feel safe unless I make him do it. It’s not the same as with you, you know. I feel my bond with Haruka very strong and very fragile at the same time. I feel like losing him some day, but by making him aware of my being his master all the time, I can set my heart at rest. At least, for the time being.”

Haruka couldn’t have found the words, even if he had wanted to speak. He had no idea Kantarou was troubled by this! Felt like all of the silver-haired’s past action made some twisted sense now.

But he shouldn’t be bothered by Haruka’s leaving or not leaving. He should know.

 True, there was a time when he left, when he left Kantarou behind to protect him from his awakening murderous intuitions... but that time passed, and when he returned, he stated that he will not leave Kantarou’s side again if the guy understands his feelings, and okay with it.

_So I’m here, and although there are quite a few times when I’d like to choke him with my own bare hands for his stupidity, I don’t see another ‘farewell’ coming in the near future._

Suddenly Kantarou laughed out, so loud, that the sound dragged Haruka out of his thoughts.

“Ooh, but you know, there’s more to this. I just _really_ love teasing him! He rarely raises his voice, but when he’s irritated, I can just _see_ it in his eyes. And when he’s upset, he speaks even less. And when he’s angry, he makes my bathwater extremely hot, and intentionally tries to choke me with the chopsticks.”

“Are you a masochist, Kan-chan?” Youko asked the laughing folklorist with widened eyes.

Kantarou grinned, but the grin soon softened into a bright smile. “And when he’s surprised, his brows twitch, and his pupils dilate. And he doesn’t say a word, no, he just stares, trying to act cool.” Kantarou suddenly threw his head back, and looked directly at the tengu standing in the doorway. “Right? Haruka!”

Haruka was so dumbfounded from the abrupt way Kantarou called out to him that he initially followed the guy’s description: he stared, not saying a word.

 _I should’ve known better_ , he thought to himself while slowly entering the room _. He always feels my presence._

“Haha, he really does that!” Youko laughed at the staring tengu. “Nee, Haru-chan, why don’t you sit down with us? The tea will be ready in a minute.”

Haruka wanted to oppose, but the look Kantarou gave him suggested not doing so. _And_ , he thought while making himself comfortable opposite the folklorist, _if I were to march off now, it would seem like I’m offended._

“I’m happy you’re here, Haru-chan,” the youkai girl said smiling. True to her words, even her fox-ears popped out, unmistakably showing her delight. “We haven’t spent much time together doing nothing in particular since a _certain somebody,”_ she cast a sharp glance at the chuckling Kantarou, “made himself perfectly incapable of doing anything. I mean, anything _useful,”_ she added immediately when Kantarou tried to speak up in protest.

“Hey, don’t be so cruel, Youko-chan! The accident wasn’t my fault.”

“It was,” Haruka found himself saying, much to his surprise. He previously intended to stay silent. Mah, well.

Youko laughed, so Kantarou’s pouted “Harukaa!” could barely be heard. But both of them looked happy and relaxed, not at all embarrassed by the fact that the tengu had heard upon their entire conversation.

“I bring out the tea.” Youko stood up, and with a bright smile, she disappeared in a minute.

Kantarou’s wide smile slowly narrowed, and when Haruka looked up to glance at the man, it was more of a bittersweet, than a cheerful one. “So, what am I supposed to get ready for? Will the bathwater burn my skin down, or maybe I’ll be lucky, and got off cheap with a few scary stares?”

“I’m not angry,” Haruka said slowly, “nor am I upset.”

“Then what are you? ‘Cause you’re clearly _something._ ”

“I’m...” Good question. What _was_ he? “I suppose I’m... puzzled.”

“Puzzled?” Kantarou blinked. Looks like he hadn’t anticipated this answer. “By what?”

“I’m not sure. You. Me.” He could swear he saw something resembling a faint blush appearing on Kantarou’s face for a brief second, but he ignored it. “By what you’ve just said.”

“You mean the thing about me playing the master for you all the time so you won’t get fed up with me and leave forever?”

“Er... yeah,” Haruka said somehow surprised. He didn’t think Kantarou would say this again so frankly, and so out of the blue sky. “By the way, don’t you think what you’ve been doing in the past few days was more than enough to make me get fed up with you?”

“Maybe,” Kantarou pulled out a small smile. “But you know me: I’m like this. But look, I don’t want you to worry about what I said.” He suddenly hit a much more serious tone. “I don’t want you to think I’m doubting you. I just have this feeling, and can’t get it out of my head, so I’m ordering you around to reassure myself. Can you please forgive me that? I know I’m the worst.”

“Kantarou,” the tengu sighed. “It’s not your ordering around the problem. To be honest, I got used to that ages ago now. I’m more puzzled by the fact you think I’ll suddenly leave you. Why think about that _now_ , when no thoughts like this bothered you for the long time we’ve been together?”

The ruby eyes stayed fixated on the table. “Some things have... changed, Haruka. That’s why I feel insecure.”

“Changed?” He looked at the man in front of him, but Kantarou stayed silent, as though he didn’t want to specify what he’d said. “What do you mean by that, Kantarou?”

The silver-haired remained silent, but after what seemed to be a very long moment, he lifted his chin up, and locked eyes with the tengu.

Haruka felt more questions itching to leave his tongue, yet he could not bring himself to ask when Kantarou was so wordless while looking straight at him, holding his eye, wearing a severe, unfathomable expression on his usually cheerful face. He felt the need to ask again, to get answers, because he just _knew_ that something started to go wrong between them, and if they don’t solve it soon, something _bad_ might really happen... But Kantarou didn’t speak, and with his thoughts alone, Haruka couldn’t make him do so.

He almost felt relieved when Youko stepped into the room, bringing the tea and more cups on a salver in her hands. “I’m sorry it took so long”, she said with faint embarrassment in her tone”, but at first I accidentally missed pouring the tea into the cup, so I had to clean up the mess. Here you go!” She placed one cup in front of Kantarou, and one in front of Haruka, and then she sat down, putting her own cup to the table. “I hope you’ll like it – it’s a new type.”

However, as Kantarou was still staring at the tengu, it probably wasn’t hard for Youko to notice that something odd was going on. She looked worriedly at his master. “Kan-chan... Is there something wrong?”

Finally, _finally_ Kantarou blinked once, and broke the eye-connection with Haruka. The usual smile quickly returned to his face while he turned to face the youkai girl. “No, everything’s alright, Youko-chan. What kind of new tea is this?”

Youko didn’t seem convinced, but nonetheless answered, sounding as light as she could manage: “Gyokuro Kyoto.* It’s quite expensive for us, but when I told the Oba-san* that you broke your arm during the last case, she gave it to me at half the price. She wishes you to get better soon.”

“That’s very kind! I’ll say proper thanks to her next time we meet.”

Haruka wasn’t fooled by Kantarou’s seemingly easy mood, yet he tried to smile a little bit when Youko turned to him: “You too, try it out, Haru-chan.”

“Aa. Thank you.” He lifted the cup which was warm between his fingers, and the scent of the tea filled his nose: it smelled like cake and grass, and yet was somehow spicy. Before he took a sip, he’d glanced at Kantarou.

The man lowered his cup, and with a faint smile on his face, just gently stared at the light-coloured liquid shining inside the cup. “It’s sweet.”

 

***

_Good grief! I shouldn’t have said a word. I’m sure I made Haruka even more puzzled then he already was. And what for? It’s not like he can do anything to change the situation – neither of us can. I should have closed my stupid mouth, stiffen my body, and just bear with it._

Kantarou cursed low when he tripped over his own legs while trying to take off his hakama*, causing him to nearly collapse to the ground; only at the very last minute did he manage to grab the edge of a wooden shelf with his left hand. He swallowed hard, then straightened, and continued stripping.

Usually he had Haruka help him with dressing and heating his water, but today, Kantarou didn’t wait for him. It was an awkward day as it was, and he didn’t need any more embarrassing moments to munch on.

After fighting his way with the straps with only one hand, he could finally get out of the hakama, and after that, taking down the kimono* was not a tough issue. However, the god of fortune didn’t seem to be with him that day: as soon as he started to loosen the fundoshi* covering his loin, he heard the door open and close, and he barely tied the strings back before The-Man-Who-He-Did-Not-Want-To See-At-The-Moment entered the room.

“Kantarou,” Haruka said in a completely calm voice after noting that the folklorist was here. “Youko said she saw you coming to the bathroom alone. Why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t want to,” Kantarou replied in the most indifferent tone he could manage. “And I still don’t want to. Could you please go away?”

Haruka wasn’t surprised now – he seemed more like somehow _stern_ as he knit his brows. “What’s gotten into you?”

Alarmed, Kantarou decided it was not the right time to show his grumpy side to Haruka. He tried his best at smiling reassuringly. “Nothing, I just successfully tripped over my own feet a minute ago. Everything is okay now. You can go.”

“Do you want me to go away?”

“Yes.” He noticed Haruka’s expression in an instant, and true fear flashed through his body. “I don’t mean I want you to go away anywhere from this house! Just from _this_ room, okay? I want to bath alone.”

Despite Kantarou’s words, Haruka stepped closer, with a severe expression on his face. “That’s again something I don’t understand. Ever since you strained your arm, you’ve been wanting me to help you with _everything_ , not just with reasonable things like _bathing_. So why do you want to send me away now? You know you can’t do this properly on your own.”

“Hell I can!” Kantarou protested loudly. “I’ve already told you the reason for making you help me with everything. You know I’m not helpless. Now...”

“Is it _that_ again?,” the tengu asked suddenly, taking another step towards Kantarou. The folklorist suddenly was very aware of their closeness. It was worse than the first time he had Haruka to help him take a bath – back then, he actually quite enjoyed it. But that’s just because at that time he was in control, but now... no. “That ‘change’ you have talked about?”

_Why did I talk him about that? Why?!_

“If I say yes, will you leave the room?” he asked in a tired voice.

Haruka faced him, looking just as serious as him. Kantarou grabbed the edge of the wooden bathtub with his good hand, and tried placing all of his strength there. He wanted to finish this conversation, take his damned bath, go to sleep, and wake next morning only to find this whole bothersome situation gone.

But he couldn’t really hope for that.

“No,” Haruka said in a very slow motion, his pitch-black eyes never leaving Kantarou’s. “I probably won’t.”

Kantarou wanted to sigh, but hold it in. _Great. Just great._ “What do you want me to tell you?”

“Tell me what is bothering you.”

“Why do you want to know?”

Haruka looked like he didn’t really know it himself. Yet he answered: “Because it’s bothering _me_ as well.”

Kantarou didn’t expect this reply. It somehow made his heart jump a bit. “How can something which you know _nothing_ about bother you?

“I... I don’t know.” Haruka shrugged, and a little bit of flush crossed his face. “It just does.”

A small smile appeared on Kantarou’s face. He leaned down, and gathered his kimono from the floor, then threw it across his shoulders. Standing in the bathroom only with his underwear on slowly made his body quite cold. The right arm in the cast hanged stiff by his side.

He lifted his head up and smiled at the tengu, but there was no warmness in his eyes. “I could easily make you go away, you know”, he said quietly.

Haruka’s expression hardened a bit. “Yeah. You have given me a name. You can use it, just like you did so many times now and before.”

“Right now, I didn’t exactly mean that,” Kantarou chuckled in a dry voice, “but you’re right. I guess I could use that, too.” He stayed still for a second, quietly studying Haruka’s face. “But I won’t. You know I don’t want you to go away.” His voice could barely be heard.

The dark-haired man stayed silent for long minutes, searching Kantarou’s face for answers, and not finding any. Then after what seem to be a very long time, he spoke in a low voice. “I keep getting the feeling that I don’t know what we are talking about anymore.”

Kantarou slowly smiled. “That’s good.”

“No, it isn’t. You want me away. You don’t want me away. You always use my name to get me do what you want – the same with Youko –, yet you say now that you won’t do that.” Haruka’s face was blank, but in the black pool of his eyes, numerous emotions and questions were whirling. “I don’t understand you.”

“It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to understand me.”

Haruka cast Kantarou a very long glance, causing something painfully stir up in the folklorist's chest. “From the time you released me, I’ve always known that you have many faces. But I’ve not seen this one before.”

 _Well, I haven’t, either._ “Sorry about that.”

A next minute passed without them exchanging any words. Oddly, it was yet again Haruka who broke the silence.

“Kantarou. Back then, you said you wanted to be my friend.”

The silver-haired man closed his eyes. He could clearly see Haruka’s face in the back of his mind, the expression on his face when he said that to him. “Yeah. I wanted to.”

The tengu’s brows twitched. “So you feel you didn’t succeed?”

“No... I know that for sure.”

“Then what are we talking about?” Haruka suddenly snapped, causing Kantarou to wince in his whole body. “If you don’t like me being here, then send me away! Cancel the name-contract! If you...”

“No!” Kantarou cried, frightened. No, he didn’t want that, not _that_! “I don’t want you to go away! I want you beside me, can’t you understand?”

“No, Kantarou, I can’t!” Haruka bit his lower lip, and stroked his dark hair back from his eyes. “If it’s not about you hating me here, then _what is it about?_ You named me, so as long as the name-contract between us remains active, I’ll be with you. And it will be active, unless you chose to release me. So what’s the problem?”

“It’s _exactly_ the problem!” Kantarou shouted. “I don’t want you to be with me just because I named you!”

“I... I don’t understand. Why would I be with you if not _because_ you named me?”

Kantarou has already opened his mouth for the next desperate shout, but as soon as his brain comprehended what had been said, the words died unspoken on his tongue. A sudden chill washed through his body, leaving it goose-bumped, and his mind completely blank.

He almost wanted to laugh. _So miserable, I am!,_ he thought to himself bitterly. A strange smile appeared on his face as he stared at Haruka’s feet; soft, cold, and pained.

“Yeah,” he nodded quietly, avoiding any look to the upper part of the tengu’s body, so that he couldn’t read his face. “Why in the hell would you be with me if not _exactly_ because I named you...”

“Kantarou?” Haruka probably noticed that something was amiss, because his voice was guarded and tentative.

_That’s it. I’m so terribly stupid. I don’t know myself anymore. I’m not like this. I never was. And I hate it._

He lifted his chin high up, and stiffened his face while catching Haruka’s eyes. “You know, Haruka,”  he started, his voice once again strong and loud, “you’re a complete jerk.”

“Wha...?” Haruka started shocked, but the question died on his lips when Kantarou was suddenly right in front of him, looking up at his face, leaning closer with a hard, determined expression on his face.

Kantarou saw the black pupils dilate, the thin lips part, and some twisted happiness blossomed inside his chest looking up at Haruka’s shocked expression. When he moved even closer, so that there was nothing but a few little centimetres between them, Haruka tried to move away, which caused him to bump to the wall.

Kantarou released a sly smile, and moved his head back just a little. Seconds passed with the two of them silently staring at each other’s eyes. “What?,” Kantarou finally asked in a low, teasing voice. “What did you think I was up to?” When the tengu didn't answer, just stared at him, he hardened his voice. “Haruka, answer me!”

_There. I’m his master, and I used his name, so he has to obey._

“I thought... you were going to...”

“You know, what?” Kantarou interrupted abruptly, not leaving any chance for Haruka to finish the sentence. “You were absolutely right.” And he crushed their lips together.

The fact that Haruka was so much in shock from this action that he actually let the alien tongue enter his mouth pleased Kantarou’s heart. It was so great, so warm, so _right_ to just cling to the other, savouring the taste of his lips, the texture of the inside of his mouth, feel the humid breath against his own lips, that Kantarou felt dizzy and intoxicated. He grabbed Haruka’s shirt tightly with his left hand, not bothering about stopping his own kimono from sliding down his body, and leaned even closer, as if he wanted Haruka to swallow him whole. He closed his own eyes, but felt the tengu’s clearly on him, and the look it gave made him feel extremely hot, made him feel being stripped to flesh.

He felt Haruka moving, tearing himself away from Kantarou’s eager mouth, but the silver-haired did not - _could not_ \- let him go just now. “Haruka!,” he breathed, then touched his trembling lips to the other’s, first tentatively caressing, then slowly wetting them with his tongue.

He tried to slow himself down, he honestly tried, but could not find the mental strength to do so. Instead, he found himself pushing his tongue back into the warm inside of Haruka’s mouth, and what is more, _moaning_ a little while doing so. The tengu’s hands grabbed his shoulders, and the forceful touch felt really cool on his burning naked skin. Haruka didn’t answer his kiss, yet Kantarou was almost ready to die in the heat of the moment.

And maybe he would have been better dying at that time, because in the next second, Haruka was finally able to overcome his shock and made his wings appear, using their strenght to push Kantarou far away from his body. The folklorist crashed the wooden bathtub, and lukewarm water poured out from somewhere, entirely covering the floor. Black feathers floated in the air everywhere, some of them landing on Kantarou, some in the translucent liquid surrounding the almost completely naked body of said man.

He swallowed hard, and looked up at Haruka: the tengu bowed his head down, the pitch-black locks of his hair hiding his face like a dark curtain. But Kantarou could see his arms – they were rigid and stiff by the side of his body, his fists tightly clenched.

He had done it. Oh, God, he really had done it.

But even Kantarou had pride, so he slowly pulled his legs closer to his body, and covered himself with the kimono which was now totally soaked from lying in the flooded floor. He shivered, but wasn’t sure whether it was caused by the cold wetness _around_ his body, or the mixed feeling of shock, regret and fear _inside_ his body.

“That’s it”, he said quietly, but seeing Haruka so stunned and rejecting made his voice turn into nothing but a whisper. He turned his head away. “If you go, go now.”

He know it was a stupid thing to hope, and he hated himself for it, but for a few brief seconds, he dared to dream of Haruka not leaving, and giving him a chance to explain what he’d just did. And maybe, just maybe, he could make Haruka understand the nature of his feelings, and make him – even if not return, but – accept them.

But reality wasn’t that nice. He could not move his gaze from the spot it was fixated on, even when he heard the door opening and closing, and in the next moment, he literally _felt_ Haruka in his heart; felt him flying further and further away from this place...

He heard Youko’s shocked cry from somewhere near the bathroom, but he couldn’t comprehend the words after the ‘Kan-chan, what was that big noise just now?!’. He pulled his legs up, not bothering about his aching left arm on his side, and after lifting his right hand up, he briefly touched his twinkling lips with the tip of his fingers.

His eyes were completely dry, so why did he felt like crying?

_Heh. I told you I could easily make you go away..._

 

***

 

Haruka swiftly crossed the sky with the speed of a bird chased by a hunter’s gun. In some way, he really felt like being chased: he felt the fear, felt the danger, felt his blood thumping loudly in his ears. He didn’t know where he was going; he just followed his nose, not bothering about looking around at all. It wasn’t like he particularly wanted to be anywhere – he just didn’t want to be _there_.

He didn’t slow down, not as long as he saw traces of human villages beneath himself, so when he finally stopped to ease his breathing after what felt like hours of flying, he was high up in the mountains with nothing but large trees around him.

But Haruka didn’t mind. It was good like this, just like this.

He stepped on the green glass, the scent of the forest immediately filling his nose, and after a few seconds he decided to plank himself down in the nearest log. He pulled his right leg up, placing his arms on his knee, and with a bowed head he tried to think about what in the hell had just happened before he left Kantarou’s house.

_Kantarou._

The name which never felt odd on his mouth suddenly seemed alien and doubtful even in his mind – like not knowing anymore if it covers the same person you’ve – with time – got to know, got to like, got to rely on, and got to have faith in. Where was the trust they have both gave the other? Where was the _understanding_?

Because, as it stood now, Haruka clearly did _not_ understand Kantarou at all.

But he wasn’t in fault for that. Meaning... now honestly, what was he to understand? That his master... was _attracted_ to him? _Desired_ him? None of that made any sense.

Yet he couldn’t find any other rational reason for Kantarou to... to kiss him like that.

 _No,_ no, _I shouldn’t think about that. I_ don’t _want to think about that._ He felt his face slowly heat up a little, and his lips twitched from the memory of said kiss. He almost felt Kantarou’s ghostly touch on his mouth, and was troubled and embarrassed at the same time by the sensation it brought up in him. _I’ve never heard about a man kissing another man like this, with clear intention. But the world couldn’t have changed this much in the thousand years I was sealed. So why did he do it? Did he want me to realize something? Or am I thinking too much, and he really just did it to make me go away?_

He dropped the last thought in an instant. No, it just wasn’t like Kantarou to joke about something as serious as a kiss. Not to mention the look his master gave before he left the house: it was cold and pained, and now recalling it, Haruka’s heart throbbed.

_Suppose that my first assumptions were correct. Does that mean that Kantarou was troubled by my unawareness, or by his own feelings? It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he would like to ignore, no, get rid of them. Because honestly, how could a man gladly accept his desire for another man?_

_Maybe it would be for the best if I don’t go back. For the both of us._

His mind decided that it wasn’t what he and what _Kantarou_ wanted, and the shouting voice of his master appeared in his head. ‘ _No! I don’t want you away! I want you beside me, can’t you understand?’_

True, Kantarou really said that. Then he probably wouldn’t be too glad if Haruka never went home. What's more, the contract is still active, so he cannot leave his master – who had given him a name – forever.

He suddenly remembered another thing Kantarou had said before, about not wanting Haruka to stay with him just because he named him. Was this also because of those... _supposed_ feelings? If it was, then it’s not so hard to understand why the fact of the name-contract would pain the folklorist. ‘Why would I be with you if not _because_ you named me’... it was probably not the nicest thing to ask Kantarou. 

So the remaining question for the time being was still deciding what to do now. Haruka didn’t want to go back, not yet, when he had so many thoughts in his head. He never was the man of feelings, and this case proved to be something which he had never come across in his long life before. Even if the problem of him being a tengu hadn't been there (but it was, nonetheless), he would have been extremely troubled by the fact that the person triggering this whole situation was a man himself. Men weren’t supposed to love men. They were supposed to love women. Like Reiko, for example.

_Men aren’t supposed to love men. Youkai aren’t supposed to love humans and Kantarou isn’t supposed to love me._

_I’m not supposed to..._

 

_______________________________________________________________________

*1 – _youkai:_   demon/goblin/monster spirits in Japanese folklore

*2 – _oni:_ large, ogre-like demons who punish sinners in hell. A type of youkai.

*3 – _tengu:_ bird-men. The usual image for them is the protective, yet still dangerous spirits of mountains and forests. A type of youkai.

*4 – _Onikui-tengu:_ “Oni-Eating Tengu”/”Monster-Eating Goblin”

*5 – _Gyokuro Kyoto:_ an excellent, highly distinguished Japanese green tea. One of Japan’s most prized products.

*6 – _oba-san:_ Japanese word for one's aunt or any middle-aged woman

*7 – _hakama:_ traditional Japanese clothing originally wore only by men (women's hakama is most known as the _miko_ s' – shrine maidens' – clothing). There are two types of it: _umanori_ which has divided legs, similar to a trouser, and _andon bakama_ which is undivided.

*8 – _kimono:_ traditional Japanese garment worn by men, women, and children, usually made of silk

*9 – _fundoshi:_ a traditional cotton-made Japanese undergarment for adult men. There several types of this loincloth. The most popular are _rokushaku, kuroneko, etchuu_ and _mokko._

 


	2. Part 2

 “It’s been already three days,” Youko sighed, gazing out through the window, as if expecting a black-winged tengu looking back at her through the glass.

Kantarou, who was completely aware of the number of days passed since Haruka had left them, tensed, but refused his discomfort to show on his face. He took a quick breath before turning his smiling face towards the fox girl. “Youko-chan, there’s really no use pointing that out, now, is there?”

“But,” she stammered, “I’m worried about him... just as I’m worried about _you_. Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“I’ve already told you. We... I’ve sorta had a quarrel with him, so he left.”

“But you don’t mean ‘left _forever_ ’, do you, Kan-chan?” Youko asked in a rather uneasy voice. ”Because it can’t be.”

_It can easily be, Youko-chan,_ Kantarou thought to himself, but didn’t have the heart to tell Youko this. So he did his best to appear calm and unbothered - fortunately, it was never hard for him. “I don’t know.”

“You said you’d had a quarrel with him. You won’t tell me the details, I get it, but does the past tense mean you’ve gotten over it now? Then you can call him back home.”

Has he gotten over it? No, definitely no. It’ll probably take some time to get over with what he _really_ had with Haruka - especially if he can’t stop feeling that one kiss’ phantom pair on his lips in every wake and sleeping hours.

But he couldn’t really say that either, so he decided to skip the answer, and asked in a cheerful tone instead, “Have we still got that Gyokuro Kyoto, Youko-chan? It was very delicious, and I suddenly feel like having a cup.”

The face Youko made has shown that she wasn’t fooled by Kantarou’s easy talking, but maybe she finally understood that trying to talk sense into the folklorist is as good as doing that to a tree. So after a long minute of sharp glaring, she nodded, and get up from the floor. “Of course we have. I’ll make it in a second.”

“Thank you,” Kantarou said with a smile, following the youkai’s back with his eyes until she disappeared from the room.

It was then and _just_ then that he dropped the smile which was almost constantly on his face, so others would not worry about him. And it was comfortable this way, having easy chats with Youko and Reika-san, or sometimes with the people from the neighbourhood who (now, that Kantarou couldn’t do his ‘other’ work, and had more free time) often stopped to have a word with him.

It would have been ridiculously easy to forget about Haruka in the little wonders of daily life if he’d never been left alone. Also, the two women of his life were all-time reminders, intentionally bringing the tengu’s name into every conversation, just to get Kantarou to confess. They apparently decided that whatever had happened, it was _his_ fault that Haruka left.

... And to be honest, they weren’t exactly in the wrong.

As, they were absolutely right.

Oddly enough, Haruka didn’t felt regret for his action. True, it could easily be his worst memory of a situation, but he’d known for a long time that something like this would happen – Haruka wasn’t so dumb as to not notice anything, and if he were to start pestering Kantarou for answers, the folklorist knew that (rather sooner than later) he’d end up doing something stupid. And surprise! He had done it.

It’s not like he was any surprised by Haruka’s reaction; the man was totally right for freaking out.

Pretty obvious that his _thing_ was doomed to failure from the very start, so why Kantarou yet felt this miserable, he didn’t know.

 When Youko later returned the room, she helped him with writing down a new article. This morning, Reiko-san suddenly requested Kantarou to write something about the most unknown monsters of Japanese folklore, and he gladly accepted it. Really, it was a great distraction to his wondering mind, and he almost felt peaceful just sitting in a room with his best youkai friend, dictating his thoughts in a quiet, calm voice, and thinking about nothing serious whilst doing so.

“I think she’ll love it,” Youko said after tying the bunch of paper together. “Now, Kan-chan, would you like to have a bath? I’ll heat you water if you can wait a bit till I quickly wash the dishes.”

Poor Youko-chan! She was really busy now that she also helpe Kantarou besides doing all the household chores by herself, and yet (despite her previous statements) she done so without one hint of a displeasing word.

“Of course I can wait! I’ll just have another round with the tea, then. Thank you very much, Youko-chan!” He smiled, and saw Youko returning the gesture.

“But don’t you dare joking again about taking off the towel! You have to keep it around your waist, _no-matter-what_! In case you’ve failed to notice, I’m a woman.”

“Hai*, hai,” Kantarou chuckled. “Sorry. I promise I won’t do it ever again.”

“You’d better do just that!”

The sun after that slowly started to set off. When it was already pitch-black outside the house, with only the stars shining like small, magical lamps on the large canvas called sky, Kantarou sat near the window in his room, gazing out to see the dark silhouette of large trees bowing their branches in the spanking breeze.

Youko wished him good night, but before she left the room, she’d turned back a little, and asked in a small voice, “But he will come back, won’t he?”

Kantarou didn’t take his eyes off the bowing trees.

Youko waited for a few moments, but when realized that his master will not answer the question, lowered her head, and turned around. She was halfway out the room when Kantarou finally said in a very quiet, very cold voice with barely audible aching in his tone, “I don’t think he’ll be back.”

_Yeah._

_He’s smarter than coming back here._

_... Back here to_ me.

The youkai stopped in the doorway for a second, cocking her head up, but then she slowly lowered it again, and left without a word or a glance back. Kantarou turned his eyes to the rough ledge of the window and touched the wooden object, detecting a sharp bone beneath his fingers in less than a minute.

 

***

 

“You know, I’m wondering about something.”

Silence.

“Why is it that you always seem to come here when you squabble with that human?”

It was not a very sensible question, considering that Haruka rarely come here out of his own free will. True enough, he did just that at the one time he previously left Kantarou’s home, but not since then.  So why make this sound as if coming here was Haruka’s habit?

“Naa, Onikui, you listening?” Sugino peered at Haruka above his shoulders, blinking at him a few times before pouting his lips like a kid. “I see you’re still not very talkative.”

Haruka just shrugged, but luckily for him, Muu-chan suddenly appeared, cheerfully gawping at Sugino who then immediately lost interest in his fellow tengu. “Muu, muu!”

“Aah, Muu-chan, you’re back!” he welcomed her with a wide smile as though he hadn’t seen her in years.

“Muu!”

“Did you catch something?”

“Muuu!”

“What, no?!” Sugino grabbed the petit green youkai, and placed her on his lap. “Then you must be terribly hungry. Want me to fetch you a big bowl of yummy worms?”

“Muu! Muu!” She quickly nodded, and impatiently reached towards Sugino while humming with her high voice in a pretty happy way. “Muu~!”

Sugino gaped, and then hugged the tiny youkai tightly to his chest, almost starting to run in circles in the house out of happiness. “Oh, my sweet Muu-chan, you’re sooo cuuuuute!! I love you, too, very very much!” The loving hug soon turned into a killing embrace, but Muu-chan didn’t seem to mind it. She continued humming, sometimes saying “muu” again. “My cute little wife!”

_If they go on like this, I’m going to be ill_ , Haruka thought bitterly. He was extremely relieved that the lovey-dovey pair decided to continue their act in the kitchen, with the company of a bowl and a pair of chopsticks.

Haruka let out a sigh, then lied down on the floor, pulling his arms up under his nape. He stared at the ceiling, dim and faint-brown, and listened to the sound of bird chirping outside the house. It sounded exactly the same like at home, when he always took a nap at the roof of the house, and this fact made him calm.

Sometimes, _sometimes_ , he really could envy the white tengu. He was an idiot by all means, yet he always looked very cheerful, as if a peaceful life with his petite youkai wife was all he needed for his happiness. Why couldn’t _he_ be so simple? Haruka truly didn’t know when the last time he felt happy and content was.  If there was a time like this at all.

Four days have passed since that ominous day. He’d never been without his master for this long; Kantarou always required his presence near himself ever since he broke Haruka’s seal. It was a weird feeling, not being in that noisy house. And he often found himself wondering, like ‘What Kantarou can be doing now, that I’m not there to help him? Must be troubling Youko with everything. Poor girl.’, or ‘I’ve not eaten anything decent in the past couple of days. But I’m sure Kantarou’s stomach is full with Youko’s cooking...’ At times like this, he mentally forced his thoughts away, deciding not to think about _them_ , yet his thoughts always seemed to return to a certain silver-haired guy and his fox friend.

When the hell did he get so attached to them?

Suddenly loud noise could be heard from the kitchen, and this time, it was not lively chirping and laughing. Haruka lifted his head up the floor.

“No, Muu-chan, why are you like this?!”

“Muu, muu, muu!” It was clearly an angry voice, even with youkai standard. “Muu!”

“What?! No, please, don’t do this! I’ve barely seen you in days! Why would you want to...”

Muu-chan was not touched. She marched out of the kitchen, not even looking back at his husband, who seemed to be in the verge of bursting in tears. She quickly glanced at Haruka who now was sitting on the floor, and with a last affronted “Muu!”, she left through the front door.

Sugino ran after her like a crazy, shouting out from the doorway, “Don’t go away, Muu-chan, come back! You know I didn’t mean it like that! You know I love you! Please, come baaaack! I don’t want you to go away! Muuu-chaaaan!!”

_‘No! I don’t want you to go away! I want you beside me, can’t you understand?’_

Haruka felt all of his members freeze.

_‘I don’t want you to go away! I want you beside me!’_

“Mu-hu-hu-hu-huuu-chaaaan... Come back, pleease, pretty ple-hease...” Sugino sobbed.

A barely audible whisper, _‘You know I don’t want you to go away.’_

“What... what did you do?” Haruka asked in the most natural tone he could hit. But his mouth felt numb, he could hardly move it.

The white tengu wiped his eyes, but the large tear-drops came out again as soon as he started to talk. “I, I teased her a little, you know, saying that she should stop e-eating and concentrate on me for a while, b-but she thought I’m criticizing her for eating too much and got angry and left! Ohhh, Onikuiiii, what should I do know?” And then Sugino literally started crying.

“You wanted her to _concentrate_ on you?” His mind was swirling so much...

“Yes, of course,” Sugino said, wiping his eyes again. His voice was an octave higher than usual. Then he looked Haruka in the eyes. “Was what I asked so unforgivable? I haven’t seen her face in the last few days at all, and I rea-really missed her. I... I just wanted Muu-chan to show her care for me, even if just a bit!”

Oh, God, he felt _so_ very numb, looking at Sugino’s tear-stained face. And his heart was beating. It was always beating, of course, but right now he could feel the quick thumps in every part of his body; his throat, his fingers, his feet – _everywhere._

Sugino teased her to get Muu-chan show her care for him.

“Why did you want that?”

Sugino blinked a few times, and he tied his long black hair back, away from his face, before turning to the black tengu. “Want what?”

“Her to show that she cares.”

“Now, that’s a silly question, Onikui,” Sugino said, his voice now finally rather calm... and somehow disapproving. “The same reason as for not wanting her to be away from me – because I love her, of course.

‘Of course’... Is it really that simple?

Because he loves her.

_Does Kantarou love me?_

Haruka remembered the long minutes when Kantarou had locked eyes with him above the table, wearing an unfathomable expression on his face, not saying a word. He remembered the dark ruby eyes. And then he knew for sure.

_Yeah. He does._

“...kui? Onikui??”

Haruka was so lost in his thoughts that a few minutes had to pass till he noticed Sugino calling his now-lost name out. “What?” he asked in a not too friendly manner.

“Are you quite alright? Because you seem...  I’m not very sure... maybe _odd_. Yes, that’s it. You definitely seem odd.”

Oh yes, he definitely _felt_ odd. In a good way. Somehow. He stood up from the floor, glanced at the door, then turned to face Sugino. “Do you think Muu will be back?”

The white tengu clearly did not anticipate this question, but answered nevertheless. “Of course she will. She’s my wife: she loves me. I guess this is just one of those stupid arguments that married couples have to deal with,” he added with a small shrug.

Sugino seemed so sure of himself. But he cannot know this for sure, now, can he? Life is not like this.

However, it raised a question: was Kantarou also sure that Haruka will return to him?

But no, the face he made on that day in the bathroom said otherwise _. ‘If you go, go now’_ , he said. Kantarou believed that upon finding out about his feelings, Haruka will leave him for good.

And he should just do that – returning wouldn’t bring any good for either of them. He should go higher up the hills, and then maybe on the other side of it, he’ll find something again. Something important, to make his living days a bit more interesting.

... So why did he found himself standing in front of Sugino, he truly didn’t understand. His usual self would probably have just left.

“I’m going back.”

“You _what_?” Sugino blinked in surprise.

“I’m going back. To Kantarou,” he added.

It was almost funny, seeing the other tengu dropping his mouth. Sugino was actually a rather decent acquaintance, or as some may say, “friend”; he could make Haruka feel a bit lighter.

“You’re going to go _back_? To _him_?” Well, the constant repeating was indeed quite bothering. “How come? You said he attacked you! That he...”

“I know perfectly well what he did, thank you,” Haruka interrupted in a cool voice. “By the way, he’s still my master. I have to...”

“But we both know that it’s not about him being your master! Hey, if that brat’s starting to get violent, I’m going to get the youkai of my forest to come and...”

“Sugino!” The man quietened at Haruka’s snap. Haruka started to regret telling the whole thing to Sugino. “He wasn’t physically violent. Do I look like someone who can’t defend yourself?” Sugino didn’t answer. Haruka sighed, and after a brief second, said in a low voice. “He kissed me.”

The white tengu probably never was so silent for this long before. He was completely wordless. When he finally spoken, every word he said seemed to come with forcing its way out. “Ichinomiya.Kantarou.Kissed....You?”

A nod.

“Like, lips to lips, and all?”

A more irritated nod.

Sugino pressed his hands against his gaping mouth. “Oh, my! I’ve never seen a real one before! I mean, I’ve heard about them, but seeing it for real with my own eyes... and I haven’t even knew...”

“What are you talking about?” Haruka asked frowning.

“I’m talking about Ichinomiya, of course! How do they call it... Geez, I can’t remember, it’s sooo irritating!” Sugino massaged his forehead as if trying to make his head remember with physical strength. “You know, those rare guys who have a thing for other guys... I remember hearing the name, but...”

“Sugino, I don’t care about how they’re called,” Haruka snapped, after finally losing his patience. “I’m going. Tha...” He almost said thanks for letting him stay here for the past days, but he swallowed the words back just in time. He’s _not_ going to turn out of his character any more than he already did.

“But you _do_ understand that by going back, you... you say okay to him, don’t you? You want that? I still don’t remember how they’re called, but they’re said to be freaks!”

“And I’m said to be an Oni-Eating Tengu, yet I’m not. At least, not anymore.”

“You’re a youkai, a tengu, for the love of heavens! But he’s just a human! Not like you at all!”

“How can you say that, when your own wife has barely grew taller than your knees?” Haruka felt anger rising in his chest. _Why the hell did I start this conversation? I’m completely out of my mind._ “She’s also not anything like you.”

Sugino’s eyes flashed. “Our relationship is platonic! And at least she’s a youkai. She’ll be with me forever.”

“So did you marry her just because she’s a youkai?”

“Of course not, how can you say that?! I recall I spoke about my love for her quite a few times in front you!” He could never be this angry, was it for his own sake. “Look, put it aside that I despise humans. I _heard_ how those villagers talked about two men being together. It was awful! And you’d be the same! Do you get it, Onikui? People would _talk_! Understand that it’s.... it’s just not supposed to be like this, okay?”

Of course it’s not supposed to be like this. What love was supposed to be like? Sweet and happy? Dark and agonizing? Both? Neither? He didn’t understand, he didn’t understand it at all.

But...

“You know,” Haruka started in a voice one octave lower than usual, after a long section of practising silence”, I hadn’t seen this coming from a guy who married a tiny green creature who’s not able to say anything other than her name. People _do_ talk about you, haven’t you know?”

“I...”

For once, Sugino could not find the right words. Haruka continued, looking down at his fellow tengu’s bowed head. “Your love is weird. Kantarou’s love is weird, too.” He stopped for a second, and then added, “Maybe everyone’s love is weird in some way.”

“And what about you?” Sugino said suddenly, pointing his eyes into Haruka’s black ones. “Do you love him?”

“No.” The answer come out of his mouth so fast, that he only noticed when it was said. But he didn’t really felt that a lie. “I... I like him enough to go back now and see how he had been doing in the past few days. And enough to... to try talking to him about that... _thing_. That’s all.”

“For now?”

Sometimes Sugino could be sharper than his looks suggested. Haruka slowly nodded. “... For now.”

The white tengu tentatively offered something akin a smile, thus Haruka relaxed his face... a little. Then he walked to the door, releasing his large black wings after stepping onto the doorway. He felt Sugino’s eyes on his back.

“You know, I still think you’re going to regret this. I don’t like humans, and I especially dislike Ichinomiya Kantarou.”

Haruka set his eyes on the land, far and near, and he heard an abrupt crack near Sugino’s house. Following the noise, he noticed a small green bump hiding in the large carpet of grass, rhythmically rising and falling. The scene _almost_ made him do something like a smile.

“Maybe,” he nodded, his back to Sugino, before taking his eyes off the hiding creature. _But maybe I’m not going to. Maybe I’m not._

“So even if you’ve admitted it being risky, you still go.”

Yes. He owes this Kantarou. He owes this _himself_.

He spread his wings, sending black feathers floating everywhere the eyes can reach. The warm, sweet breeze of the forest touched his face, caressed his hair, and he could’ve swear that even the birds chirped in a slightly different tone than before.

He was ready to set off.

“So it seems.”

 

***

 

Kantarou sourly eyed the bowl which was placed in front of him on the table, his mouth twitching a few times. Rice.  A _gain_. It was good as it was, but maybe he had a bit too much of it recently. The case is that since... _that_ happened... and Yuoko had to cook the meals, clean the house, wash and dry the clothes, help Kantarou with his work, help Kantarou with his daily tasks, and also help Kantarou with keeping him company, well, she hadn’t really had time to do the shopping. To be precise, it was the third days in a row when they had nothing else but rice, and Kantarou couldn’t really stomach it anymore. So he amiably kicked Youko out of the house to get something edible, so he had to make it without company and help for some hours.

Well, nothing to make a song about – worst things had happened in Earth before. He may be a bit moodier now, but it will pass as soon as he gets some real food.

_And it’s not like the constant rice-eating is my biggest problem, now, is it?_ , Kantarou thought bitterly while lifting up the chopsticks with his left hand. He couldn’t hold them as steadily as with his right hand, but eating went fine, so it was okay. His other arm in the plaster cast was tied to his chest with the bandage, as usual.

The deep silence was really strange to his ears. It has been a long time since he last spent a longer time alone, and he found the stillness quite irritating. The noise that the chopsticks made when clicking to the bowl was the only sound in the room, and so his thoughts could swirl and he couldn’t keep them calm. What a bother, really.

After another mouthful, he abruptly stiffen, and felt his shoulders tense. Kantarou’s eyes snapped open, but he closed them in an instant, and took a deep breath.

No. He must be imagining things. _Calm down, man! It’s just your mind playing with you, like it did all those other times._

But... the familiar twinkling feeling was right there on his nape, on his arms, and his whole body was starting to crawl all over. He knew this feelings, he knew this very well.

Kantarou slowly lowered his hand, and took another bite with the chopsticks, but while doing so, he placed all his focus in his ears. He couldn’t hear anything, yet his sixth sense kept telling him that he wasn’t wrong – that he wasn’t just imagining things.

He could feel Haruka with every cell of his body.

His heart started to beat so loud and fast after the revelation that it was beyond ridiculous. He swallowed the bit in his mouth, and forced himself to make his face calm and relaxed. There’s no need for Haruka to see him this worn-out because of their parting, since probably having a small talk or maybe getting Kantarou to release him from the name-contract is all there’s to Haruka visit. 

So he put the chopsticks down beside the bowl, lifted his head up, and asked without looking round, “Hey, Haruka, how long do you plan on hiding out there?”

After a few moments of tensed silence, he finally turned to face the opened window.

The sun was still shining outside even though it has started to set, but the sky was already the colour of dark orange and burning red, with a hint of purple - like a unique mix of paint directly taken from an artist’s palette. The golden rays of light landed on the tall, dark man who was standing alone in the embrace of green trees and plants, his figure seemingly glowing in the blaze.

Haruka’s eyes were just as black as the night-coloured feathers around his feet. Wearing a fathomless expression, he didn’t seem any surprised, although he was usually that when Kantarou called out to him so spontaneously.

The folklorist couldn’t suppress the smile which found its way to his face. It seemed so long he’d last seen Haruka that he couldn’t feel anything but happiness for looking at him now, no matter for what reason he had come. “Well? Won’t you come in?” he asked in an inviting voice.

The tengu raised an eyebrow but curtly nodded. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. Come. You know where the door is.”

After a last look at his eyes, Haruka disappeared before him.

Kantarou took a deep breath again, trying to calm his rapid heart beating down. His chest felt heavy and ready to burst, but he refused to think about what could have made Haruka come here. _I just have to act as usual, and make sure to net let my discomfort seen.  Maybe – probably – this will be the last time I see him, I speak to him, and if so, then I can’t lose my head like I did last time._

_If he really wants to be free of me, out of disgust, I... I’ve got no right to stop him._

_Even though I want to. I want to._

The sound of soft footsteps emerged from the next room, and soon Haruka’s figure appeared behind the sliding door. He looked at Kantarou, then lowered his gaze to the floor, then lifted it up again, looking around. “Where’s Youko?”

“She’s out shopping,” Kantarou said in a light voice. It was not hard to act normally; actually, he really felt some kind of peace now that the black tengu was yet again beside him, even if just for the time being. “Poor Youko-chan, I kind of pity her for having such a rough time because of me. But I try not to burden her too much, so I’m giving my best adjusting working with only my left hand. See, I can eat rather well now, can’t I?” He lifted the chopsticks up and manoeuvred a bit of rice into his mouth, just to swallow it down in a minute with a proud smile.

Haruka’s expression didn’t change over Kantarou’s lively performance, or rather, his eyes narrowed.

“What’s it, Haruka?” Kantarou blinked.

Said man slowly shook his head before walking to the table, and after a bit of hesitating, he sat down the opposite side of the table. The moment suddenly felt very awkward, even for Kantarou: he didn’t know how to speak to the other, even though he was determined to not make their possibly last time together a disaster. And Haruka also looked a bit uncomfortable.

The tengu tilted his head, and peeked at Kantarou over his shoulders. “Why the parade?” he asked in a slow motion. “You could always eat perfectly well with your left hand.”

Kantarou was caught by surprise, but instead of feeling shame or anything akin this because of his playing, he simply smiled while his eyes darkened. “True.”

_So he knew. But for how long? Had he already knew it when I made him feed me every day?_

“So, what’s up with you?” Kantarou asked out of the blue while leaning back with his elbows on the floor. “I’m pretty sure you were at Sugino-sama's again, weren’t you? I’ve seen Muu-chan a bunch of times in the last couple of days. In fact, she even stayed here for one night. I was surprised that Sugino-sama didn’t come to fetch her.”

Haruka didn’t seem impressed by Kantarou’s chattiness. He said in a deep voice, “I believe he was otherwise occupied.”

“Haha, yeah, I figured. With you, right?”

“Kantarou, drop the act. I’m not in the mood for this.”

The folklorist’s face hardened in an instant. He didn’t move an inch from the spot he’d lied down, but he popped his head up, and looked directly at the tengu with deep crimson eyes. “Okay. Then I’ll be straight, too: What did you come back for?”

“What do you think?”

“Now, now, Haruka, if one asks you a question, it’s not nice to answer with another question.” He saw the tengu’s brows twitch out of irritate. Oh, he knew this face too much. Kantarou didn’t want to even think about not seeing it anymore. “But I’m nice, so I’m going to answer. I don’t know, Haruka, I’ve no vague idea what could’ve bring you back here.”

He didn’t lie big. He had ideas, of course, but was sure in none of them. And he didn’t want to be the one to say them. If Haruka wants something (his freedom, for example), then be a man and say it out.

Haruka knitted his brows, and his eyes now seemed more like fluid black liquid than ever before. “You’re not a stupid man, Kantarou, but you love playing that.” The silver-haired didn’t argue with that. “I’ll be frank: I’m still not sure why I am here. Maybe out of curiosity. Maybe out of guilt. Or both, or neither, I don’t know. I just felt need to come back and... talk.”

“Oh, that’s sweet,” Kantarou said with a malicious smirk, which looked odd on his usually bright babyface. “You want to talk. Well, you don’t have to force yourself – I can easily guess everything you’d say, anyway. If you are here just because you felt like dropping by to say good bye, don’t stress yourself.  It’s okay. And if you want me to... to cancel the contract, then... I...” Oh, damn, it wasn’t supposed to come out like this. He can’t sound this miserably weak!

Haruka apparently didn’t like the way their ‘talking’ went, because his eyes flashed, and his anger was clearly shown on his face for. In response, Kantarou’s whole face darkened.

“Kantarou, stop it! Why do you talk like this?” He didn’t leave a second for the folklorist to answer. “No, I know the reason. You’re afraid, aren’t you? You attack and bark even before I could say a word. Are you afraid?”

“I, I’m not afraid,” Kantarou stuttered, and immediately wanted to slap himself in the face. He sat up on the floor.“Why would I be that? I...”

“Look me in the eye.”

“What?” he snapped shocked. “No!”

“Kantarou, look me in the eye! I want to see something for myself.”

This was _sooo_ not going in the way he intended! Kantarou wanted to be in control for the whole conversation. He wanted to be either light and easy, or cool and indifferent, so that Haruka could not hurt him more than he must. But this wasn’t what he had planned at all, and Kantarou felt like losing himself again.

Yes, he was afraid, he was _terrified,_ very much so. But he couldn’t be blamed for that: after all, he was just about to lose the person who’s most important to him. Who wouldn’t fear a moment like this?

And Haruka clearly see through him. It was the worst.

He stopped himself from biting down his lip, and gathering his aplomb, he locked eyes with the tengu.

He wasn’t sure what the other had searched for, but after a few panicked seconds, he felt his resolve melting away. Haruka wasn’t far from him, he could have reached him easily had he held out his arm, yet he would’ve only grasped Haruka’s body, his flesh, not his soul. The dark eyes on him felt like penetrating his mind, searching and studying, while the shining jet-black locks of hair fell in front of them. Kantarou’s whole body was twinkling, and he wished for Haruka to just finally stop staring.

“Are you finished?” he asked impatiently when he started to really hate the situation. “If I’ve got something on my face, just say so.”

Haruka ignored the question, but his stare turned into soft gaze – something, which Kantarou had never really seen on Haruka’s face. He could even be surprised by this had the tengu moved his had backed a moment later. He also dropped his gaze to the table.

Kantarou was not sure about what’d happened, but felt this a great chance to gather back his control about the “talking”. “So, Haruka,” he started in the most easy tone he could hit, “if not for getting me cancel the contract, then why did you came back, again? As I reckon, you didn’t bother about formalities last time, so I don’t think you’re here to bid your farewells?”

“What makes you think I don’t want you to cancel the contract?” Haruka suddenly asked in a cold voice. “I don’t suppose I said anything about that.”

Kantarou felt like he’d just been slapped in the face. He quickly replayed their conversation in his head, and nearly gasped upon realizing that what the tengu said was true. He really hadn’t said anything about not wanting Kantarou to release him. It was just his own mind playing tricks again, and making him hear things what he wanted to.

_Haruka really wants to be free of me._

“Oh. You... You’re right. I... I...” He didn’t find the words. But he should say something, something rational. Or should he just shut up? What the hell should he do? “I didn’t... I...”

Haruka’s eyes then changed. His cold expression somehow gentled, and he moved closer to the spot Kantarou was sitting. The folklorist was still so dumbfounded, that he didn’t dare to meet the other’s eyes.

“Kantarou.” Haruka’s face was near his. Haruka was beside him – just like all this time. Yet it was so terribly different. “Kantarou, I’ve... thought. A lot. About what happened last time.”

Great. That was _exactly_ what he wanted to hear. As if the situation was not already cracked up enough.

“I think I’ve figured out why you did it.”

_Oh, that’s even more greater. Congratulations_. Kantarou still refused to speak, refused to look at the other.

_Of course_ he would have figured it out. It was never hard to notice to begin with, and after that stupid act of his, even the dumbest guy would have realized. But how should he face Haruka now? Now, that he knows about _it_? And Kantarou couldn’t bear listening to Haruka telling him all kind of things for feeling like this.

“I believe that you...”

“Don’t even start, Haruka,” Kantarou finally said in a quiet voice. He lifted his head, and taking a calming breath, he turned to face the tengu. He made sure his expression was as hard as serious he was. “I know what I did, I know why I did it, and I’m sure you know it as well. You don’t have to say it aloud. _I_ don’t want you to say it,” he corrected himself. “And if you’ve already knew, then you’re crazy for coming back here. What did you think you’ll accomplish with this? Talking won’t help either of us.” He took a breath and stood up, raising his voice a bit when he saw Haruka opening his mouth. “No, Haruka!” Fortunately, he was still the master. The tengu didn’t interrupt. “Look, just go back to Sugino-sama, or anywhere you want to be, and... and don’t come back, okay? In the lack of other solution, that’d be the best.”

“ ‘The lack of other solution’, you say?” Haruka also stood up, and it did not make Kantarou any good. The folklorist didn’t like how the tengu towered above him with his height, standing beside him. So he took a few steps back, towards the nearest wall. “There’s still a solution. I stay.”

Kantarou must have missed the words. He stopped in his move, and frowned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch you.”

“I said that there’s still another solution,” Kantarou repeated with an expression clearly showing that he wasn’t fooled by Kantarou’s sudden hearing disorder, “and that would be me staying here.”

For an extremely long moment, they just stared at each other, one with determination, one with disbelief. Haruka then took a few steps forward, causing the silver-haired to clear his throat.

“You’re joking,” Kantarou finally whispered. “You can’t be serious.”

“But I am.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about! You don’t understand a thing!” he shouted. _No, he can’t do this to me,_ he thought bitterly. _I can’t have him get my hopes up. I tried so hard to be able to let him leave... He can’t do this to me!_

“I know what I’m talking about. Isn’t this what you wanted? I also thought it through! I thought about leaving, and not returning ever again,” Kantarou unwittingly paled, and it didn’t escape Haruka’s notice, “but I felt like coming back, so I’m here. If it’s not what you want, then I leave. I’ve already told you that day: if you don’t like me being here, then send me away.”

“No... I... I don’t want you away, I’ve never wanted you away,” Kantarou confessed quietly. His heart was hammering like crazy inside his chest. “You know it, too. I just... You don’t understand what kind of situation you’re putting me in by staying here! I won’t be able to... But I don’t want to chase you away by...”

“Can you answer me a question, Kantarou?” Haruka suddenly interrupted.

The folklorist swallowed. “I would rather not.”

“What is it that you truly fear?” the tengu asked nonetheless. “You told Youko that you’re scared of losing me. Is that is? You fear that I will leave?”

Kantarou turned his head, and stared at the wooden wall beside him. The golden light no longer shone through the window. “I fear that it will be _me_ who chase you away,” he admitted in a small voice. “I’ve always feared, ever since realizing them, that my feelings will make you disgusted and horrified, that they’ll make you go away. And I wasn’t really wrong, now, was I?” He finally lifted his head, and meet Haruka’s eyes.

He couldn’t read the tengu’s expression, but was pretty sure that his confession did not do much beyond making him more puzzled. And yet it was somehow relaxing that at last he could vocalize his fears. His voice became stronger. “So, what will happen now? Do you still plan on staying? Because if so, I have to warn you that the incident from last time will definitely happen again.”

Yes, that’s it. The surprise was clearly there on Haruka’s face.

But he had to do this. He can’t let Haruka stay here with promises that he, Kantarou, will behave  - simply because he didn’t trust himself with this. He knew this was bound to happen again, so he had to do everything in order to get the tengu out of this mess before it would turn out to be too late. He couldn’t bear going through all this again after a month or two. _If Haruka leaves, then he has to leave now. Because later, I won’t let him._

He wasn’t expecting Haruka to harden his expression, and he absolutely wasn’t expecting Haruka to not-too-gently grab his shoulders. Kantarou’s back met the wall, but he ignored it, and just stared up at the man’s pitch-black eyes.

“Then so be it,” Haruka said. “If it happens again, I won’t run away.”

Kantarou didn’t move. His chest was the only thing rhythmically rising and falling. “You won’t run away? What makes you say that, Haruka? You were right for running away. I shouldn’t have...”

“No, that’s not true. Sugino and Muu made me realize something.” He slowly dropped his hands off Kantarou’s body.

“Oh? And what that would be?”

Haruka just shook his head, as if saying ‘I’m not telling’. True to his previous words, he looked serious, gazing straight to Kantarou with clear eyes, yet the folklorist could not set his heart at peace.

“Look, I don't know what did they plant into your head, but don't confuse things. This is not a game.” Kantarou pushed his back away from the wall, and straightened his figure before looking up directly at the tengu, clenching, and then relaxing his fist. “I don't want you to stay just so you can change your mind and leave , once things take a turn for something you don't like. Can you truly say that you  understand what I feel? What I desire? If not... or even if you do understand, but you feel like being unable to fully accept me... I strongly suggest you to leave now.”

“I'm starting to get used to not understanding you,” Haruka said with a slightly frowning face. “Why do you insist on making me go away so much if it's not what you want?”

For just one brief second Kantarou lowered his gaze, but then lifted his chin up, and met the other's eyes. “Because if you don't leave me now, but in a month or in a year, I won't be able to bear it. If you leave me after dispelling my doubts, my heart would tear apart.”

That's it. He don't want any more pain. He don't want any more doubts. He just wanted to have Haruka, and nothing else. He just wanted to have his previous happy life back, together with the two most important person to him.

“Kantarou...”

“Don't think you didn't make me happy. You did,” the folklorist sad with a small, heavy-hearted smile. “I'm extremely happy that you came back. I'm happy that you tried to talk this over with me, even when you could have easily go far away from here and no one would've blamed you.”

“You speak so strange, again,” Haruka said in a tentative voice. “I told you I'd stay. I don't want to go away from you.”

“Yes, you've told that. Thank you. I know you care about me. But...” Kantarou then slowly lifted his left arm up, and reached out to touch the tengu's face. Haruka first stiffened upon realizing his master's intention, and although he let it happen, the scene didn't escape Kantarou's notice. He smiled, even though he felt nothing like happiness, and softly caressed the side of Haruka's face with the very tip of his fingers. And looked him in the eyes while doing so. “But that's just not enough for me, okay?”

Haruka made a pained face. He let Kantarou touch his hair, which was silky, and it shone even in the dim light of the room. The skin on his neck was soft and white, and when the folklorist moved his hand a bit, he could feel Haruka's blood pulsing beneath his fingers.

“Kantarou, I... I, too, want to be with you.” His voice was barely audible. It was probably not easy for him to say something like this. Kantarou's sad smile widened.

“Really? Why?” He continued petting Haruka's hair. The black of it looked so perfect between his pale fingers, the touch of it great on his skin. He loved it. “I don't think you're up to be with a man.”

A moment of silence. “... Me neither.” _I've already knew it, so why does it pain my heart so much?_ Kantarou dropped his arm to his side. “But it's not just a man... It's you.”

The silver-haired guy looked up the search Haruka's face; he avoided his eyes, and looked rather awkward. He must have never been in a situation like this before. At any other time, Kantarou may would've teased him about it, but not now, definitely not now.

“You mean, 'me', as your master?”

Haruka shook his head. “No. I mean... _you_. Simply you, as a human being.”

“Are you sure it's not the 'me' who've given you a name?” Kantarou asked with his blood pulsing in his ears. He didn't dare to believe him, he couldn't... But he wanted to. “I fear you just feel obligated to please me.”

“I've never cared about making my master pleased, as I recall.” After a brief moment, Haruka finally faced him, and Kantarou could clearly see just how much the tengu had to force himself to say these things out lout. He normally never talked about his feelings. He must have wanted Haruka very badly to understand him. Those eyes were never this black before. “Yes, Kantarou, I'm sure. I don't want to be with you just because you named me.”

Kantarou has already opened his mouth when the words suddenly made his head swing.

_“It’s exactly the problem!”_ Yes, he'd shouted that in the bathroom that day. _“I don’t want you to be with me just because I named you!”_

_“I... I don’t understand. Why would I be with you if not_ because _you named me?”_

Haruka must have seen it on his face that he remembered, because he added in a gentle voice: “I like being with you. And... I'm not indifferent towards you, either. I don't think it is the same what you feel for me, but...”

“Oh, God,” Kantarou breathed before Haruka could've finished his clumsy confession. He was dizzy, and felt himself so heavy as if his whole body was covered in plaster cast, not just his right arm. He closed his eyes, and pushed his back against the wall to support his legs. “Haruka, I want to believe you, I want to believe you _so_ much!” he whispered. Then suddenly opened his eyes, and said in a strong voice. “Prove it!”

“What?”, Haruka blinked.

“Prove me that you mean it. That you mean every word you said.” His heart was hammering, and his face was heating up. “Kiss me, or bed me, or do whatever you want – it's entirely up to you. Just make me feel it.”

He saw that his challenge took the tengu by surprise, but could not help it. He needed it, the physical proof of Haruka's care, Haruka's promise. Since the time he attacked the tengu, he felt the day of their parting coming closer and closer, and now he just couldn't afford himself to get his hopes up without some kind of evidence proving that he won't get a slap on his face.

He stared at Haruka with anticipation, and the man stared back at him.

_If he can't do it now,_ Kantarou thought, _if he can't kiss me or touch me, I will know it's useless to force this relationship. But if he can... if he can..._

He couldn't do anything but blink in surprise when Haruka grabbed his shoulders, and after a moment of determined staring into the ruby eyes, abruptly hold Kantarou tight to his body. The two strong arms coiled around the folklorist, one hand laying on his shoulder-blade, one curling around his hips, and he felt warm puffs of breath on his sensitive neck where Haruka had leaned his face into. The jet-black hair tickled his skin, and Haruka felt very numb and very hot from the other's action.

“Ha-Haruka,” he stammered, his whole body stiff and immobile. Upon hearing his name, the tengu moved his head a bit, causing gently twinkling vibrations run through all of Kantarou. “What are you doing?”

The embrace became tighter – so tight that Kantarou's strained arm, which was stuck between their bodies, started to ache like hell, yet the man paid no attention to it. He tried to peer down and see Haruka's face, but the dark mop of his hair hid it from his eyes. “I prove you that I meant every word I said.”

“With this?”

“Yeah. With this.” Kantarou felt Haruka smile against his skin, and couldn't believe he didn't get to see it with his own eyes. “You said I can choose how I do it. Just make sure you feel it.”

“Oh... Did I say that?” He closed his eyes back again when he felt Haruka's arms sliding lower, now curling around his waist. His body finally seemed to relax, so he lifted his right arm up, and possessively put it around Haruka's neck. “And you think this will convince me to believing you like me?”

“That was my intention.”

He felt Haruka's heartbeat: it was rapid and loud against his chest, just like Kantarou's own. The big warm hands of the tengu started to slide up and down on his back, making him shiver, making him want to pull Haruka even closer to him in the fusing embrace. He felt safe and wanted, he felt unsteady and dizzy, and he felt ready to explode from all those sensations Haruka was awakening in him.

“Haruka,” he whispered in a quiet voice, digging his fingers into the black hair of said man. “Haruka, I can believe in you, right? You're never going to leave me ever again, are you? You stay by my side for as long as I live, don't you?

“Yes.” Haruka's lips moved on the skin of Kantarou's neck, and the silver-haired trembled all over.

“You're not going to hate me for wanting you, right?”

Kantarou felt the tengu taking a deep breath when he pushed himself against Haruka with all his might. The sensation was so sweet and dark at the same time, he couldn't help himself, but wanting more. He bowed his head a little, and kissed the top of the black head.

 “No,” Haruka said in a low voice. “I couldn't ever hate you.”

“That's good. No, great.” He kissed the head again. “Fantastic. Then I don't have to hold myself back anymore. When I feel like hugging you, we'll hug, when I feel like kissing you, we'll kiss, and you won't do anything like running away totally freaked out, but just responding to me. Am I right?”

“You're talking way too much,” Haruka said while lifting his head up, and Kantarou's neck suddenly felt so cold and alone now. “I take it I could successfully convince you?”, he asked with a small smile.

“Oh, yes. More or less,” Kantarou answered with a smirk. “But you're ability to kiss me is yet to be tested.”

“You say?” The tengu finally took his hands off Kantarou's body, much to his master's displeasure - but before he could have vocalized his problem, Haruka blinked in surprise, as if he'd just notice the white plastic around on Kantarou. “You're arm! Didn't it hurt?”

Kantarou smiled, and leaned back to the wall, not taking his eyes off Haruka. “How nice of you to notice! You want me to believe you really didn't felt it? It's quite hard, you know.”

A faint blush emerged on the tengu's face. “I'm sorry, I wasn't... paying attention.”

… Which just means that he was so very very occupied with him, that Haruka didn't take note of anything else. The sweet thought made Kantarou's heart flutter.

“No problem. Now,” he raised his voice a bit while pulling Haruka's head down to his with his left hand”, can I have my kiss at last?”

Haruka's black eyes turned to Kantarou's mouth, and he could see the flash of caution on his face. But then the tengu lowered his head, and only stopped his mouth half an inch away from Kantarou's lips. The folklorist intuitively licked them, and saw Haruka's pupils dilating.

The first touch of their lips was shy, tentative, and clumsy, but so warm that it sent light buzzes through Kantarou's body. He pointed his head up to grant Haruka the best access to his mouth, and didn't close his eyes so he could see other's expression. Haruka also didn't close them, so they locked eyes while the tengu moved a bit away, just to start the soft lip-caressing again with new momentum.

Kantarou enjoyed the gentle kissing very much, but couldn't help wanting more than locked lips. So he smiled – or rather, _smirked_ -, and asked Haruka in a teasing voice, “Want me to give you a little starting push? You seem so awkward like it was your first time.”

Now Haruka _really_ blushed, amusing Kantarou beyond words. His whole face stiffened. “Sorry for not being an expert with guys. “

“So is it because you're bothered by the fact that I'm a guy?” Although he tried to hide the concern in his voice, seems like Haruka heard it out anyway. “I can't argue with my body being rather different from a women's, but I'm sure my mouth is pretty much the same.”

Haruka sighed. “No, it's not that. I just... It's because it's _you_ , okay?”

Kantarou was so relieved that he couldn't hide it, and curled his left arm around the tengu's neck. “Don't say so cute things like that, or else I might blush,” he said with a wide grin. “Now, open your mouth a little.” After a brief hesitating moment, Haruka did so, and Kantarou licked his lips before  pushing his tongue between them.

Oh, he couldn't even count it how many times had he repay their bathroom-kiss in his mind, but the faint memory could not in the least compare to the real thing. Even more so when the moments passed with the two of them kissing like it was the last day of the world, and Haruka seemed to finally decide that it was high time he got over his fluster; he stilled Kantarou by grabbing his shoulders, and without any warning, thrust his tongue inside his mouth.

Kantarou couldn't suppress his surprised moan. He opened his mouth big, letting Haruka completely feel him, taste him, lick him, and since he couldn't stop trembling,  he had to cling to Haruka to not collapse on the floor. The strong arms were back around his body, surrounding him with the hot heat of flesh and the intoxicating scent of Haruka's body. His head was swirling, or was the room swirling with them? He didn't know, but honestly, didn't even care.

“Haruka,” he panted in the moment they'd parted. “Haruka, Haruka...”

Haruka kissed him again with so much force that it could have been easily called a violent action. Not that Kantarou minded it. He tore the bandage down, pushing it away, then let his right arm fall beside his body so that it won't be in the way, and pressed himself hard against Haruka, curling his fine arm around him.

“You're driving me crazy,” he said as soon as his mouth became free thanks to Haruka, who found a new interest and started sucking on Kantarou's neck. “Aah! If you're this damn great of a kisser, you could've said so. Then I wouldn't have teased you, _ah_ , so much.”

So hot, so real, so fantastic.... Even though he was a writer, he couldn't find the right words to describe the feeling.  His lips were aching from the too much kissing, and yet they still ached for more. He gently pulled the black hair. “Nee, Haruka, come back here?” He had stuck his tongue out even before Haruka lifted his head up.

They tangled together just like one, and Kantarou felt like melting away. Out of a sudden impulse, he manoeuvred his strained arm up, laid it on the tengu's shoulder, and used his other arm to cling onto him. “Hey, Haruka,” he said after tearing is mouth away from the man. “Prepare yourself, will you?”

“What do y...?” Haruka started, but never got the chance to finish – because Kantarou suddenly held tightly on him and jumped, curling his legs around the tengu's waist. “O-oi, oi!” Preventing him from falling down, Haruka grabbed Kantarou's thighs and pushed him against the wall. Then looked at  the ruby eyes with the mix of disbelief, anger, and shock on his face. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Oh, but you'll like it in a minute,” Kantarou assured him in a seductive tone, and moved both of his arms to perfectly surround the tengu's neck. He liked the fact that now he was a head above Haruka, so he had to bow his a head a bit to be able to look down at the black eyes. He leaned in, and licked Haruka's lips like a kitten... or better yet, a sly little fox.

Then without any warning, he moved his legs, as if trying to close his thighs around Haruka, and thus rubbing their groin together.

He felt Haruka tremble, and seeing his face darkening with pleasure was enough to make Kantarou smile contently. He pressed his back to the wall behind him, pushing his lower body closer to Haruka with the motion. His own body was  goose-bumped from the sensation it brought forth him, and still it was nothing compared to what he felt when Haruka intuitively started to thrust forward, meeting his groin again and again, and growling in the back of his throat while doing so.

“Ha-Haruka-aah... ngh...” He bit down on his lips, but they still opened to sound his pleasure – and when he realized that hearing him moan made Haruka even more excited, he purposely did so, never bothering again with holding his voice back. Kantarou coiled around Haruka's body like a possessive snake, touching and clamping everywhere he could reach, and did not in the least mind that thanks to Haruka's constant thrusting, his back and his head bumped the wall  several times. His kimono loosened and started to slide down, revealing the pale skin of his shoulders to the other's eyes.

Kantarou forced his own eyes open, and was astonished by the face the tengu made: he was flushed, he was sweaty, his eyes pitch-black and bottomless. He also didn't seem to mind that it was a sizeable erection he was so vigorously thrusting into. Thank goodness.

And because Haruka had found that sensitive spot on his neck again, what's more, now was gripping his butt instead of his thighs, it was purely impossible for Kantarou not to cry out. “Haruka! Haru-ahh, nhh... ye-ss!”

And... and suddenly everything ended.

Kantarou didn't realize what was wrong, he was just extremely dissatisfied upon not feeling Haruka's thrusts anymore. He pulled his head back from the wall and looked at man, barely noticing that his white kimono has almost completely slid down to his waist. “Wha... What's wrong, Haruka? Why did you stop?” he asked, panting.

The dark-haired man just slowly lifted his head up, avoiding looking at Kantarou. He tentatively shook his head. “No, I... I just almost...”

A few seconds had to pass before Kantarou got it. “Oh! You mean you almost came?”

Haruka's face was already flushed enough as it was, but the curt nod he gave clearly showed his discomfort.

“That's not good.” Kantarou wagged his head with a small smile. “The night is still early. Hey, put me down.”

_It's kind of cute,_ he thought while steadying himself on the floor. _I, myself, too would have probably come by now if I hadn't been taking care of myself._ He then knelt down in front of the tengu, and started to unzip his pants.

“Ka... Kantarou?” Haruka tried to move away, but Kantarou stilled him.

“Don't worry, it's all right. You have to come now, or else what will I do with you later?”

“What do you mean, 'later'?”

“What do I mean? Now, Haruka, don't tell me you haven't realized.” He finally freed the tengu's swollen shaft, and was shamelessly happy by the fact that his mere touch was enough to make Haruka shiver. “Later, we're going to make love, of course.”

 He was sure that Haruka would have liked to say something, but he didn't give him time to even open his mouth – he just curled his finger's around Haruka's stiff member, making the man gasp for air, and then moved his hand and squeezed, taking pleasure in the grunt little noises the tengu made. He was so hard and hot just like Kantarou himself; something which he'd never dreamt of experiencing. The musky scent of lust lingered heavily in the air, filling Kantarou's nose, and when Haruka put his slightly shaking hand on the side of his master's face, the touch burnt his skin.

“We're going to make love,” Kantarou repeated rather out of breath while stroking, “and I'll make you fall so hard for me that you won't be able to bear even the _thought_ of not being beside me, do you get it? You'll be mine, just as I am completely, utterly yours.” “And then he leaned in, taking Haruka into his mouth.

The tengu shivered, and his hand grabbed a silver mop of hair while he quietly called out Kantarou's name. The folklorist felt happy and satisfied - though his own desire had yet to be taken care of - and nuzzled his face close to the warm body in front of him, savouring the unique taste and the scent  while licking and sucking to his heart's content. He could feel Haruka's blood pulsing, he could feel every tense in the tall man's body, every twitch he could bring forth, every shallow breath above him.

It was like a hot, steamy dream, created by the burning flames in his head. This was the first time he cursed himself for not paying attention and straining his arm, and thus making it unable to do anything... like touching himself, for example. He usually managed to do _everything_ with his left hand too, but it was now otherwise occupied.

Haruka's eyes abruptly snapped open. “Kan... Kantarou, I...”

“It's okay,” the silver-haired said after lifting his mouth away for a moment to speak. “Come, if you want.” A long lick. “We still have the whole night.”

He could see that Haruka was hesitating, so to help him, he wetted his lips, and after a reassuring smirk up, swallowed the erection whole. The reaction was intense and immediate: Haruka bit down own his lips while suppressing his grunt, shivered all over his body, and Kantarou could feel the bitter taste of pre-come on his tongue, which made him even more light-headed and wanting then how he was before...

“Kaan-chaaaan, I'm baack!”

Both of them froze on the spot from shock when the cheerful voice emerged from the direction of the dining room. Kantarou let Haruka go in an instant and sat on the floor, wiping his mouth with the long sleeve of his kimono. “Y...Youko-chan?” he whispered in disbelief, then looked up at the tengu.

Haruka's face was quite red and shining, but when their eyes met, the blush darkened even though his expression became cold and grouchy . He turned his gaze away. “I suppose she... finished shopping.”

“Kan-chan, where are you?” the youkai girl asked loudly. “Your writing room?”

“Ah... Yeah! But don't come in, I'll be there in a minute!”

Kantarou bit his lip. He first looked at the tengu, who (with a new shade of red on his frowning face) was putting his now bit swooning member back into his trousers, then looked down at his own lap, where his aching shaft was still completely covered in the bright red hakama.

When Kantarou thought about what could've happened had Youko come back just an hour later, he couldn't hold back his irritated groan.

 

***

 

Upon being disturbed in the middle of an act which was never supposed to happen under the given circumstances, Haruka harboured rather dual feelings: he was honestly grateful to Youko for suddenly showing up and thus saving him from his one big weakness – Kantarou –, yet he couldn't put aside the irritation and dissatisfaction he felt due to the promised pleasure in default.

So when they finally left Kantarou's working room (and they did it quite late, because adjusting their clothes back and putting on a face which wouldn't shout about their previous activities turned out to be too consumptive of time) and met Youko in the kitchen where she was stowing the newly bought goods, Haruka wasn't sure what kind of face he should make.

He decided that the usual indifferent one will do.

“It took me _very_ long, but I bought a lot of stuff so I don't have to go shopping for some time now”, the girl chirped cheerfully, not looking away from the shelves. “Nee, Kan-chan, don't you remember where I put the...” Youko finally turned towards Kantaru, and when she detected the tall man behind him, she let out a surprised cry. “Oh my God, Haru-chan!”

Haruka couldn't understand why he suddenly felt a bit embarrassed. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his trouser, and murmured: “... Hi.”

“ 'Hi'? That's the first thing you can say to me after disappearing for days? Haha, that's you, right.” Youko chuckled though her eyes were serious, but both men could see that she was glad. A big smile blossomed on her face while stepping closer to the tengu. “Welcome back, Haru-chan!”

“Um... aa,” he nodded, than added with a faint smile of his own, “thank you.”

Youko then grinned, and peeked at Kantarou. “Does that mean that Kan-chan finally got you and apologized?”

“Hey, it was never up to me apologize,” the folklorist pouted grouchily. He cast a sharp glance at Haruka. “He left on his own, and now came back, so technically he should be the one doing all the apologizing.”

“Maa, Kan-chan, how can you say that? I'm sure you were just as to blame for the argument as him! Now hold your tongue, and be glad he's back.” The way the anger instantly left Youko's face to give place to the bright smile terribly resembled Kantarou. “So, what would you like for dinner?”

“ _Anything_ but rice.”

Haruka could see that the silver-haired was still cross as a bear – seems like he really couldn't accept that their intimate time together was interrupted. The tengu replayed their previous short conversation in his head.

_“I'll tell her to go away,” Kantarou growled in a low voice while adjusting his kimono back. “She'll be okay with staying out for yet an hour or so.”_

_“Kantarou, she was out to buy you food for_ hours _. You can't kick her back out just so you can have...  “ he stiffen his face to not flush, “... fun.”_

_“Of course I can! I'll give her money. She can buy takoyaki, or whatever she wants. It'll be okay.”_

_“And it's already pitch-black outside.”_

_“Then she can go to a tea house.” Haruka frowned at Kantarou, who – despite his harsh words – looked a bit doubtful and embarrassed. His face reddened when he asked Haruka desperately, “Now really, aren't you angry for being disturbed? Because I_ am _! Look, I've still got that hard-on!”_

_Sweet heavens, he didn't want to look at the bulge in Kantarou's hakama! At least, not right now._

_“Don't be selfish,” the tengu finally said in a soothing voice. “She doesn't deserve it. And I will be here tomorrow, too – and even after that, for a very long time. We can... continue... later.”_

_“Why, aren't we very patient now?” Kantarou sneered before sighing. “I just hate wasting such a fantastic moment, you know. It was_ so _great.” He gazed out of the window for a minute, then turned his back to Haruka, and reluctantly approached the sliding door. “Fine. Follow me.”_

It still felt strange, being together with Kantarou the way they were (or at least, started to be), but Haruka didn't think it was necessarily bad how their relationship had took a turn. It was different, indeed, both in physical and mental aspect, yet it felt nice and warm – almost safe, if one can use the word “safe” when describing _anything_ concerning Ichinomiya Kantarou.

When he had been watching Kantarou from outside the house, looking at the man's cheerless face as he was silently eating, Haruka felt affected by it. It pained him, and only then could he understand what Sugino must have felt when not seeing Muu for long days.

So yeah, it was a pretty nice feeling, being by Kantarou's side again.

And it was _definitely_ a very nice feeling  (to put it gently) to touch and be touched by him.

He wasn't wrong for leaving, but will never regret coming back.

“Harukaa,” Kantarou said later, turning to the tengu with a teasing-pleading look, “feed me?”

Youko, who was now serving the delicious-smelling dinner before them, cast a disapproving glance at her master. “Hey, Kan-chan, you told me you could already eat well with your left hand. Leave Haru-chan alone, or else you'll chase him away again.”

“Youko-chan, how can you say that?” Kantarou's face twisted as if the girl's words really pained them, but none of the youkai took it seriously. “Anyhow, why should I sweat for eating with my left hand when Haruka's here to happily help me?”

“Kan-chan!”

The man in question thought that it'll be probably better if he stay silent. The fox-girl then finally managed to talk Kantarou out of his idea (for the time being, at least) so the peace was back, and a few minutes later, they were all filling their stomachs with Youko's appetizing cooking.

“Oh, yes, I've almost forgot to tell you. I bumped into Reiko-san at the vegetable store,” the girl said after a while. “She said she'd drop by to see you tomorrow.”

“Does she have a new work for me?” Kantarou licked his lips before lifting the cup up to his mouth, and when he caught Haruka staring at him, a wide grin (or was it a smirk?) appeared on his face.

“I guess so. She's quite happy now, you know, because ever since you've strained you arm, the articles were always ready for the deadline.”

“Hahaha, that's true.”

Youko filled another cup, and turned to Haruka with a smile. “Haru-chan, you haven't drunk at all. Try this? A new tea, again. But I can bring you sake, too, if you'd like.”

“Ah... no, tea is fine. Thanks,” he said, rather clumsily, and took the cup from her. It was warm, wild-cherry scented, and faint steam could be seen above the top of the cup, floating higher up towards the ceiling.

Haruka took a sip while peering up at the others who were now engaging themselves in light chatting – the two people who ever showed real care towards the tengu, and for whom he cared back with the same honest feelings. For the first time in a while he felt a true smile appearing on his face, so he lifted his cup again to hide it. Fortunately, neither Haruka nor Youko were paying attention to him at the moment.

The smile softened behind the cup.

_It's  
good to be back at home._

 

***

 

“Haruka! I know you're there. Come in!”

The tengu paused, and for a moment, he wondered why the hell did he even try hiding from Kantarou; it was sure that the guy had some kind of special ability to be able to detect him at any time, under any circumstances. Like how he could always detect people with heavy wallet.

The huge window of his master's room opened, so Haruka flew lower, setting his foot on the windowsill before secreting his wings. Kantarou was watching him from inside with a soft smile on his face, and when Haruka finally entered the room, the ruby eyes shone at him lovingly. “What were you doing outside?”

Haruka closed the window so his master – now wearing only his sleeping yukata* – wouldn't get cold. “Flying.”

“At late night?”

“Yeah. It peaceful and nice out there at night.“ He turned around, facing the folklorist, and added, “One can think.”

Kantarou made a mouth. “That doesn't sound good.”

“As?”

“Well, you've just came back, and you're already out thinking. It makes me feel quite uneasy.” Despite his words Kantarou did not seem uneasy at all, but knowing him, seeing through his vacant eyes and self-conscious posture, Haruka could easily imagine him feeling uneasiness.

So he walked to Kantarou, stopping only one step away from him, and run his fingers over the silky  silver locks soothingly. “You may rest assured. What I was thinking about is nothing you should worry about.”

Kantarou closed his eyes and leant into Haruka's touch, guarding it down to his cheek. His skin was warm, soft, and the tengu found himself fondling his ear, his hair, then down, his neck. “Mm... That's nice.” Kantarou lifted his hand up and placed it on Haruka's own which was now caressing his cheek again. “I trust you,” he suddenly said, still not opening his eyes, “so if you say I have nothing to worry about, then I won't.”

A few minutes passed with the two of them just silently standing close to each other. Haruka then asked, dropping his hand to the side of his body, “Why are you still awake?”

“Oh, I was waiting for you,” Kantarou said with a wide, sweet smile. “I want to sleep with you.”

Whatever peaceful mood they've created a moment before, Haruka now found himself tensing, his face slowly heating up as recalling the events of late afternoon. “I... don't think that's a wide idea.” Judging from the way Kantarou looked up at him, amused, his voice must have shown his discomfort. “Youko's here a just few rooms away. And...”

“Haha, what a dirty mind you have!” Kantarou chuckled, causing the tengu a further blush. Hut his arms tightly around Haruka's waist. “No, when I said “sleep”, I really meant “sleep”. I want to sleep _beside_ you, if you like putting it this way better.”

“... Oh.”

“Of course I want to sleep with you in the _other_ sense, too, but I'm afraid I still have to wait for that. Like, say, till tomorrow.”

Haruka thought about voicing his concern that the next day (keeping Reiko's visit and Youko's almost constant company in mind) would still not be the best choice, but Kantarou didn't let him time for that – he grabbed Haruka's hand and pulled him towards the large futon* on the floor while saying, “Take off your clothes, I give you a yukata to wear. I asked Youko-chan to give me some of yours.”

Haruka was slightly appalled by this information. _What Youko must have thought when Kantarou told her he wants some of my yukata in his own room?_ He changed clothes quietly, trying to ignore Kantarou's studying eyes while he did so. When he finished, the silver-haired man smiled at him, an patted the shikibuton* invitingly.

Not long afterwards they were both laying tranquilly beneath the warm kakebuton*,  pulling the soft bed-cover almost up to the chin. Kantarou nuzzled as close to Haruka as he could, wrapping his legs and (more or less) even his arm in the plaster cast around him. It was actually a rather nice feeling, having the silver head rest on his chest, just above his leisurely thumping heart, and Haruka was absent-mindedly petting the guy's soft curls who hummed contently in response. Everything was warm and peaceful, and even the black of the unlit room seemed gentle and cosy.

“I'm so happy now that I fear you'll fade away in a second,” Kantarou murmured into his skin with closed eyes. Haruka peered down at him.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because it doesn't feel real that you're here with me, like this. I've never dreamt of having you in this way.”

“You really haven't?”

“...No,” Kantarou chuckled after a moment of silence. “I did. A lot of times. But I didn't think it would actually come true.”

“You should have been sincere from the start,” Haruka said in a slightly scorning tone. “Maybe this whole mess could have been avoided.”

“Maybe. But we can't be sure. Anyway, I like how things have turned out.” Kantarou clung to Haruka as if never intending to let go of him (he probably did just that), and drank in his scent, making the tengu shiver. “I will never ask for anything again in my life. Well, okay, maybe for some private time together to deepen our relationship. And for a thicker wallet. But aside that, nothing.”

Haruka couldn't help his small smile appearing, so he hide his face in the silver hair, breathing in the fresh shampoo scent. His arm moved lower on Kantarou's back, absently stroking it. “What was it that you dreamt about?” he asked.

“Hmm... what was it, I wonder...” The folklorist already looked quite sleepy as he was, yet he still had the energy to tease. “I dreamt of falling asleep beside you, with your arms around me, and seeing your face the first time I open my eyes at the morning. I dreamt of touching you, marking you as mine, and never letting go of you or your name ever in my life.” He kissed Haruka's neck, first gently, then more  firmly, leaving a small reddish spot behind. The tengu found it startling and yet typical of Kantarou to talk about so lovingly tender and so aggressively possessive things with one breath. “Sometimes, I dreamt of flying high in the sky, with your black feathers floating everywhere around me. I dreamt of you, loving me back.”

“... It's seems to me that only the first and the second last are still unrealized.”

At the unsaid confession Kantarou's whole face lightened up, and a gentle smile blossomed on his face. “You say? That's good.” He squirmed a bit, till he could reach Haruka's chin to drop a small kiss on it, then leaned back to his shoulders. “You know, the second last can be checked off, too. I'm already flying high. I do, because you're right here with me.”

“That's not exactly the same as flying in the sky,” Haruka quickly said, pausing from the amount of sweet things Kantarou said in the past few minutes. He wondered what he should say in response to that but his mind went completely blank and his face reddened a bit when he felt something which surely wasn't there a few moments before. “Er, Kantarou.”

“Hmm?” the folklorist hummed in a dozy voice.

“You're... poking me.”

“I'm doing what?” Kantarou opened his eyes, now not as sleepy as a second before, and pushed his hips forward, pressing his heated groin against Haruka's thighs. “Wow, look what I have here”, he chattered, not a bit embarrassed. “Guess that means I've still got some energy left. Too bad I'm dead tired.” And with this, he calmly wrapped himself around Haruka again.

Maybe he wasn't troubled by it, but the tengu definitely was. “You're not going to do anything about that?” he asked while shifting so he wouldn't feel the hard bulge so intensely. 

“What should I do? It's a natural reaction”, Kantarou murmured with closed eyes into Haruka's shoulder-blade. “Just ignore it.”

Easier said then done, it took a lot of time till Haruka could finally feel the heat subside and thus relax himself. He must have nod off sometime after that because the next time he opened his eyes Kantarou was already fast asleep, puffing softly against Haruka's neck. The tengu felt his eyelids heavy, and was unable to form any thoughts with his brain, so he just closed his eyes again, pulling Kantarou closer to him, and fell back to sleep without ever ceasing the embrace.

It was still dark outside when some kind of inner impulse woke Haruka up. He was lying on his back with Kantarou's head on his stretched left arm. After realizing that it was not even dawn yet he dropped his head back to the pillow, turned his head to the side and spent the next twenty or so minutes watching Kantarou's sleeping face. The man's expression was calm and undisturbed, his reddish lips slightly parted as he breathed. Haruka touched the soft skin of his face, gently running his fingers over it, but pulled his hand away when the dark eyelids fluttered.

Kantarou, however, didn't wake up.

Haruka remembered what the folklorist had told him the previous night about his dreams and desires, and couldn't stop himself from touching the spot on his neck where the place of the kiss-mark was still visibly pink.

Then a sudden thought got him. Why not making two of Kantarou's wishes come true at the same time?

He gently freed his arm from beneath his master, careful to not wake him, and he got up from the futon, stretching his limbs out. He changed clothes as quietly as possible, folding and putting the yukata at the side of the shikibuton, and flung the window wide open before carefully picking Kantarou up. The folklorist murmured in his sleep at the motion, but remained soundly asleep. When he subconsciously nuzzled his face to Haruka's chest, the tengu couldn't help his smile.

He leaned down and ever so slightly kissed Kantarou's forehead, his eyebrows, then after lifting it,  kissed the long, slim fingers, and even the white plaster which covered half of his left arm.

It didn't felt wrong at all. It felt right and wonderful.

Why did he even bother worrying over what Sugino had said?

Haruka stood in front of the large window with the silver-haired man in his arms, and maybe fate also wanted it to happen this way, because as soon as the first rays of sun shone up from that faraway land where the horizon was, Kantarou hummed, shifted, and his eyelids fluttered again as if starting to wake up. 

But before he could have opened his dark ruby eyes, Haruka spread his wings and set off, flying high up the now golden-coloured sky, not leaving anything behind in the room but floating jet-black feathers.

 

_The End_

 

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*1 – _yukata:_   traditional Japanese garment, a casual summer kimono, usually worn at firework displays, festivals and summer events, in bath houses, or for sleeping purposes

*2 – _futon:_ the traditional style of Japanese bedding consisting of padded mattresses and quilts pliable enough to be folded and stored away during the day, allowing the room to serve for purposes other than as a bedroom

*3 – _shikibuton:_ part of the futon - the bottom mattress

*4 – _kakebuton:_ part of the futon – the thick quilted bedcover

 


End file.
